Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/28/2008

Question
I'm 21 years old and I have a crush on my friend's best friend. She's a very shy woman especially with guys and I never have one conversation that lasted more than five minutes with her.

I never really ask her to go out with me, probably with exception offering a ride back home with my car (and she politely refuse it). I'm not sure if she noticed that I'm trying to approach her or not, but I felt in the past few days I started a conversation such as "how's your day?" she's quickly wraps up the conversation and leave with reasons such as "good. sorry, I can't be late to pick up my assignment". She also changed her seats in lecture class.

I asked her best friend about this and her best friend concluded "that's why she never had a boy friend."

Is there anyway I could improve the relationship with her? am I too late to fix the relationship or I shouldn't give up and keep trying?

Answer
Hello John!

The signals you're describing aren't of a shy woman, they are of a woman that isn't interested in you. Maybe the reason she's never had a boyfriend is that she's not interested in boys in the first place! I've heard of shy, but this is just rude!

I suggest you get the friend to help you here. Tell her that you'd like to get to know this girl better and ask her to help. I'm sure she'd be willing. Then, you can see what the response is. If she's still stand-offish, then I'd suggest you move on. If she's receptive, that's another thing, but don't put up with rude behavior from her. If she doesn't know how to deal with other people, it's not your job to teach her. Let her learn it by being tired of being alone!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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