Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/12/2008

Question
Hi doctor I would really appreciate your help in this matter.A few days ago I went out with my sister and her friends to a lounge.When we got there I greeted everyone(as usual)when all of a sudden while shaking hands I saw a very attractive lady sitting down with the rest of us...I went up and greeted her as well.During our stay in the first lounge I noticed she was looking at me all the time.After a good 30 minutes or so of boredom we decided to go to a new spot just a few minutes away.At the second spot things started to get a little bit more interesting everyone started to drink and dance...after a drink or two I decided to go to the restroom when all of sudden I see the girl(Cristina) and we start a conversation...I happen to notice that she is smiling and her eyes sparkle while we are conversating.Soon after we start dancing(she was not drinking at all just to clear things up)and we find out that we are attracted to each other..moments later we exchange numbers and kiss.Now during the conversation we had Ilearn that she is from out of town but she ocasionally comes to NYC but I forget to ask if she has a boyfriend...yeah I know how could I forget!!!The next day I find out through my sister who is good friends with her cousin that she has a boyfriend...so I decide not to call...but the problem is that I was really attracted to her.So should I make a move on her without caring about her current relationship after she was sober and gave me the green light?or should I just forget about her since she lives in another state and has a boyfriend?She will be back in three weeks according my knowledge...P.S I have known her cousin for awhile and I'm sure she wasn't lying about her being in a relationship.Thanks for helping out.

Answer
Hello Joel!

No, it's not "how could you forget" it's "how could you be concerned - even in the least"???

Joel, EVERY woman has a "boyfriend". Most of these are actually "boy-friends" that are hanging around waiting for the girl to choose them rather than moving things forward. Are you going to be one of these poor slobs with women you're interested in? I sure hope not. Even if she doesn't have a real boyfriend she's going to claim she does! She doesn't want to look like nobody else would have her! Do you see how this game works?

Now, on to the real problem you have here: the distance.

LDR's (Long-Distance Relationships) NEVER work out. That's the fact, and that alone is reason enough to forget it with this girl. If she moves into town, that would be a different thing. Also consider this: if she really has a boyfriend, what in the hell is she doing hitting on you? That's pretty damn disrespectful to her boyfriend and relationship! What's to keep her from doing that to you? Answer: nothing whatsoever!

Frankly, you need to see this as a sex-only possibility. When she comes into town, entertain her and bang her, but don't consider any possibility with a relationship at all.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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