Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/12/2008

Question
Hey Dennis,
  Just wanted to say I love this site and plan on ordering BAM 1 from your site within the week.  You really are good at expressing in words how to relate to women. It really helps my confidence and creates the belief within me that I can do it.  Deep inside i already know a lot of these things, as I am in my 30's, but my actions when talking to women always come out differently. I really need to practice and apply your techniques, so then like anything, I will gain experience, be more comfortable, confident, and not afraid! I will be Expecting the digits, and not waiting for a rejection.  I think once I taste a small amount of success with these ladies, I will find it suits me!
Anyway, one question, what do you feel about the online sites such as Match,Lavalife, etc?  I know it seems more like taking the easy, wussy way out as your avoiding the initial face to face approach & risk.  But there are some fine, attractive women on there that seem like there sick of the bar scene and such.  My friend met his wife using this method and she is very nice & attractive.   I did try it a few years ago, but many would respond with the line "You sound like a nice, cool, guy". Please send a pic.  Once i sent a pic, I wouldnt get a response, at least only from the fat chicks. It really hit my self confidence and so i stopped.   I know im attractive, but like you said looks dont mean as much with women.  Is it different in the online world?  Anyway, do you have any tips on standing out from the rest of the pack when introducing yourself in writing to these women?  Of course, I would only make this as my backup to approaching in public.   I guess I want to portray myself as a guy with power and a little of a challenge. But it seems harder to do in writing then in person.  Let me know your thoughts.   Thanks for your help

Chris

Answer
Hello Chris!

You're going to LOVE BAM1. It'll really open your eyes about a lot of things in this dating/sex/relationship world we live in. Trust me on this: you CAN do all of these things. You'd be shocked at how many guys I meet that have never had a single date or even kissed a girl that all of a sudden are getting numbers and setting up dates, getting laid and even building relationships. It constantly impresses me that humans have this much flexibility!

BAM1 was written a number of years ago when the on-line dating world was very different than it is today. At that time, I recommended that guys need to expand their "sphere of influence" as wide as possible and on-line was one way of doing that.

Unfortunately, times have changed dramatically and I no longer recommend this. In fact, bars, clubs and the internet are the 3 worst places there are to meet women. The reasons for this are many:

* It's totally unnatural and thus, doesn't even seem real when you meet someone.
* The competition is HUGE: where else in life do you go where there are maybe 3-4 girls you'd like to meet and 50-100 guys all feeling the say way?
* Women use these venues more to abuse and filter than to find real partners.
* You need to have real game in order to be successful at any of these venues.

About every year or 2 I register a profile for 3 months just to see how things are changing - and they aren't getting better, they are getting worse. Consider that the AVERAGE girl gets between 200-1000 responses on these sites! Imagine that - how can you possibly stand out in that crowd? Answer: you can't, even if you're the perfect match for any particular girl!

Same with bars and clubs. You have to have huge game to make these work for you. Just last weekend I was in a bar and got 3 numbers from 3 different girls; even stealing one guy's game. This is something I teach guys how to do through my Hunting Seminars, but again - huge game.

The good news is that there are tons and tons of other, far better venues to meet incredible women. You don't need to rely on these as your source. BAM1 will show you how to do basic approaches and begin building what you really want. As you get comfortable with those tools, look at BAM2 as it goes into the approach in great depth, along with some other specific types of approaches like using wingmen, approaching groups of people, etc. If you really want to get good at bars and clubs, check out the "Hunting Seminar on DVD" as it's 4-hours of intensive specifics on winning at these places. There's also "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women" that will help you work on your "context" - the method of the approach itself.

Chris, I'm very proud of you for making this move in your life. Once you have these skills under your belt, you're never going to look back, and your life is going to be VERY different - for the better!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
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Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"