Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/5/2008

Question
Hi Dr Neder

Ive found myslef besotted with a girl at my uni. We only talk briefly when we see each other in the hall ways but im confident there is a mutual attraction.

As i dont know any of her friends i cant find an easy way of finding out if she's already with someone. Our conversations are normally so brief there is no comfortable way of getting the question in. This is the only thing holding me back from asking her out, i dont think i can untill i know her status.

Can you suggest a way too; a) ask/find out if she is taken? and b) (assuming a) is permitting) a good way to ask her out given the extent of our hello...goodbye conversations

Many Thanks

Answer
Hello Jason!

Why in the hell are you worried if she's "with someone"? That's not your problem! What if you're a far, far better "someone" than the person she's with? She gets to make that decision, not you.

Forget all of that. Just do this instead: the very next time you see her say, "You know, you and I need to get to know each other outside of these halls. Here, write down your number [hand her pen and paper] and I'll call you sometime."

Notice that I didn't ask her? I didn't say, "Can I please...pretty please have your number? PLEASE????" Don't beg, Jason. TELL HER what you want her to do "...write down your number..."

Even if she IS dating someone else and you find it out later, you can say, "Look, I don't know this guy, but what I do know is if he was everything you ever wanted in a guy, you'd never have even given me the time of day, let alone your number. Now, stop this game and clear up Friday night. I'm picking you up at 8 and ..."

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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