Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/10/2008

Question
Hi Dr. Neder, I've read some of your advice and it's been really helpful. I'm in University and there's this girl I'm crazy for. I haven't been talking with her for too long (less than a month) so hopefully I'm not in the friend category.

The other day I had lunch with her and we seemed to be hitting it off OK. I asked her if she was seeing anyone,if she had a boyfriend. She said that yes, she did.

I'd like your advice on where I can go from here. I don't want to give up on it but she's a very sweet girl and I can't frankly see her ditching her boyfriend right off the bat.

Is there anything I can do to get this girl away from the boyfriend (who, by the way, she doesn't see too often) and get her dating me?

Answer
Hello Johnathan!

Absolutely. If she and her boyfriend don't see each other often, I'm assuming this is a long-distance thing. If so, all you need to do is to instill some doubt. Frankly, long-distance relationships ("LDR") never work out anyway. Here she is with some great guy she could have a real relationship with but she's stuck with LDR-guy.

So, you and she went out and had lunch together and let me guess, you paid for it all, right? If she already has a boyfriend then what is she doing going on a date with you? If all of that were the case, she should have bought her own lunch.

The key here is to establish your value in her eyes: great guy, local, fun, etc., and to make it easy for her to make the switch. Don't force her to define your relationship, just have it. That will take a lot of pressure off of her until she has no choice but to make a decision.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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