Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/9/2008

Question
Hey Doc. i have a problem or something like that ima junior in my H.S. and you see i like well i wanna atleast get this girl problem is i don't know her. Don't get me wrong i tired to get to know her.....well on myspace :/ but that didn't work..........but the only reason i didn't try to talk to her in class is because i thought it being awkward me coming out of nowhere a guy she's only seen for the first time jus come up and start talking to her PLUS a girl like that that i thought would have a dude but to my knowledge she dosent now and hasent had one for a while but im sure she's open and wanting one.....anyway im just not sure on how to approach her dont now what to say or anything like that cuz i dnt wanna seem to strong nor to cheesy you know jus cuz i dont know what to say to her cuz i can ask my friends which noe her i can get anything from them even her number BUT if i get her number and start using it she might get pissed so....yeah im really thinkin hard on my next move cuz really i havent made any sadly???

any suggestions and tips

Answer
Hello Chris!

So, here you are making all sorts of excuses for why she wouldn't want to get to know you. On the other hand, maybe you're the perfect guy for her! You don't know and neither will she if you don't give her a chance to find out!

I was out playing at a club with my band last night and got 3 numbers from 3 different girls. They had never seen ME until last night either! They may have boyfriends, but they seemed to want to get to know me anyway which is why they gave me digits. I didn't bother worrying about whether they'd be surprised that they didn't know me first. Why in the hell would you make these ridiculous assumptions about this girl?

Look Chris, EVERYONE wants to meet new people - especially someone that they're going to like. You don't have the right to judge someone else's interest in you at all. That's their job. Yours is simply to give them the opportunity by saying hello.

What you do is use "context" to approach her. You and she have the same class, right? There's your context! You have every right to just walk up and say, "Hey, you and I are in the same class together. What do you think of the teacher?" or "What do you think of the homework?" or even "Do you want to get together and study tomorrow night?" or anything else. You have an "in" with her.

There's nothing cheesy about this at all. In fact it's totally straight-forward and natural. Don't think you have to make her fall in love with you the very instant you say "hello". Just break the ice and let her get to know you.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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