Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 12/27/2008

Question
sir,
i am jatin from mumbai,india.
i don`t know whether i love this girl or not.she is my classmate, at first neither i nor her interacted with each other but after sometime i was the first one to talk to her  and gradually we have become friends.Recently her mother died and i despite living far from her place visited her place to which she was surprised. i have decided to come closer to her as a friend.i want to propose to her during our industrial visit.What should i try to know bout her more.
Till today i know that we aleast share 90% things in common.
please sir help me confirm whether this is love.
and how to progress thereafter.

thanking you
jatin.

Answer
Hello Jatin!

No, it's not love. It could be infatuation or strong interest, but love is something you develop over time by really getting to know someone.

In fact, that is your next goal - to get to know her. My concern is that you mentioned that she lives far away. I hope that's not the case because if it is, you're not going to be able to create a real relationship with her or get to know her. All you'll have is your own thoughts to base your attraction on. Since these are so intimate and SEEM real, you'll THINK you're in love with her when you're not.

If she's local, this is a good time to start spending some time with her and really find out who she is and see if she matches your beliefs about her.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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