Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 12/3/2008

Question
QUESTION: Dr. Neder, I'm a 22 year old male in a small town. I swear almost every female over 18 is either married, impregnated, or has a child already. The ones that are left I've dated before or a friend of mine has. My question is I see girls on Myspace and Facebook that live around the area that seem like what I'm looking for (I don't know where they're hiding apparently). Is there anything you can to a random girl that won't creep her out. Because, I've tried before and it felt creepy to me. Or, should I just man up and try to pick a girl up from bars around the area? Thanks for the help.

ANSWER: Hello Gary!

If you're finding available women on MySpace and Facebook that are around your area, there ARE available women - you're just not getting out there to meet them!

Yes, you can use these online tools to meet women, but you need to know this: it's EXTREMELY difficult to do! It's far, FAR easier and more successful to meet them in person.

Likewise, bars and clubs are even worse places to meet women! Why did you pick the 3 most difficult choices as your hunting grounds?

The reality is this: I can go on the internet or go to a bar or club and get digits, dates and sex, but I've been doing this (and teaching it) for many years. Frankly, this is a good way to simply blow lots of good chances right out of the water - and your own ego along with it.

All 3 of these venues are "filters". Sure, they make you feel less vulnerable, but they also put all the power into the girl's hands and trust me on this: the girls don't really want that power. They want you to sweep them off their feet, which you can't possibly do in the venues.

Think about this: where else do you go in life and have maybe 3 or 4 girls you'd like to get to know and about 50-100 guys all thinking the same thing? The girls KNOW this fact and that's why they're there - to get hit on. The internet is even worse! The average woman gets between 200 to 1000 responses to her internet ad. How are you going to stand out amongst all of that?

Gary, I'm sorry if all this disappoints you. The reality is that you CAN learn to be successful at these places. I teach guys how to do this in my "Hunting Seminars". It's not complicated, but it does take very special skills and knowledge.

In fact, you should study that approach systems anyway. They are great fun when you learn how they work - and they're highly successful. If you want the "nuts and bolts", check out my "Hunting Seminar on DVD" on my website. This is a 4-hour intensive training course on exactly what you're asking to learn here. You can also check out my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" that go into all of this in great depth as well.

Bottom line: learn these skills as they'll carry you through the rest of your life, but don't just try to scatter-gun this. You'll simply lose a lot of great opportunities trying to do trial and error.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dr. Neder, If I picked the three most difficult "hunting grounds" then what are the most successful ones? First off, 3 or 4 girls to a 100 guys at a bar? Doesn't sound like a bar I wanna be at. But, the reason I said bar or club was for the exact reason you stated...they are there because they want to be hit on. In other words...available. To me, women on the street are twice as hard to approach. Have you not found this to be right?

Answer
Hello Gary!

You're going to think that my answer is flippant, but in reality, the answer is: everywhere else!

Think about this for a minute, Gary. You see incredible women walking around all the time. The problem is that you don't have your game in your back pocket to pull out whenever you find one of these incredible girls.

I, on the other hand, do and because I do, I meet incredible women all the time! As I look on my desk right now, I have 7 phone numbers from 7 different, really incredible women. I have a dates lined up for the next few weeks and have lots of additional opportunities. Only 3 of the 7 numbers were found in bars by the way. The rest were just walking around doing my usual day-to-day things.

That 3:100 ratio is about what you find in almost any bar or club. Sure, there are more than just 3 women, but not ones that fit your goals.

What's that he said about "goals"???

Yes, Gary, you need to have clear, written goals as well. If you don't, then any woman that walks by is the right one. Of course you already know that's not the case and your goals separate those that are from those that are not.

Just because girls want to get hit on doesn't mean that they are good or reasonable targets for you. Think about this: they're at the bar or club with other girls all expecting to get hit on. They are ready for you and have their "bitch shields" up and in place. This is about stroking their egos, not about actually meeting the woman of your dreams. Do you know how to establish value for yourself? Do you know to to take theirs down or away altogether? Those are just the beginner's skills you need. There are quite a number of other ones if you really want to be successful in bars and clubs; let alone on the Internet.

What do you do when you ask for her digits and she says, "I don't give out my number. Give me yours instead"? Reality: women KNOW it's your job to call them, not theirs. No woman ever says that to me and winds up not giving me her number, but then, I know the right way to play it.

In reality, women on the street are by far easier to approach and pick-up. BY FAR. It's about a 5-10 times easier and more productive. I want you to learn to work smarter, not harder.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"