Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/26/2008

Question
I am a college student. A freshman. 19 years old. I have never been able to get a real girlfriend close to me. I dont know how to talk to a girl or make a right move. I cannot approach a girl much at all. I have no idea what to say. I don't want to feel like a total idiot. I use facebook to meet girls online, yet i usually don't get a response, but i cannot talk to a girl because i'm too afraid of rejection and i dont know how to talk without stuttering and other stuff like that. Do you have any tips on what to do? I havent ever had a real girlfriend in which i've met in person as a total stranger..

Answer
Hello Ricky!

...funny subject line!

Yes, I have a ton of suggestions. First of all, stop wasting your time trying to meet a girlfriend on FaceBook. This is one of the least-effective ways to meet a girl there is! There are tons of reasons why, but just consider just this one: these girls are getting hit on by between 1000-2000 guys and you're only one of them! Where else in life do you go to have those lousy odds? It's not a natural setting and thus, creates unnatural responses.

You absolutely, positively need to learn how to approach women in real life. This is where your success - and your girlfriend - are going to come from. In fact, once you learn how it's done, it gets to be really fun! The problem is that you've created a convenient excuse for yourself - and actually fooled yourself into believing that excuse!

As long as you hold the ridiculous beliefs that you "...cannot approach a girl..." or "...have no idea what to say..." or that you'd "...feel like a total idiot..." etc., you're just programming your mind to do exactly these things and to ignore the realities that meeting women is easy. It really is!!

Let's take an example: can you order a burger from a fast-food restaurant? What if the person taking your order is a girl? Do you stutter and feel like an idiot then? Of course not! You've trained your own mind that in certain circumstances, you CAN talk to girls.

In reality, in ALL circumstances, you can talk to girls - you've just put yourself in a box so that you can never fail. The problem is, you can never succeed either. You've got to decide once and for all that you deserve better than this and stop making excuses like being shy or nervous, etc. Treat it like ordering food and don't give it any more power than it deserves.

The other problem you have is one of education. You claim that you don't know what to say as though there's some script or something. This is why dumb guys rely on pick-up lines - and continually crash and burn by doing so! The reality is that most every girl has already heard all the pick-up lines and has an even better come-back to make you feel like a jerk. Don't waste your time there.

Instead, treat this subject like any other subject you studied in school. Get educated! Start learning what works and what doesn't. You have two ways of doing this:

1) Trial and error. Plan to get a lot of failures before you get any successes however. Can your ego handle that?

-or-

2) Start absorbing a real expert's knowledge by studying his work. Obviously, I suggest you read "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" and learn all the skills you need all at once.

The trick is to find someone who's philosophies you trust, someone with experience and someone that has done all the hard work - not simply lifted it from someone else and made it their own.

When you find this guy, stick to him like glue and let him give you all the tools you need. Trust me, when you know what to say, where to say it and how to get what you want, you're never going to feel "shy" again.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"