Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/24/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hi my name is Leiland I'm 12 and I love my best friend, she used to like me back, we even confessed to each other. The relationship went good, till one day she asked, "can we just be friends." and since then we've been really close friends, I found out that she ended our relationship because it felt awkward and we we're always just friends. But I'm not over her and I want her back, I'm just afraid of destroying any chances we have together. What should I do?


ANSWER: Hello Leiland!

What exactly are the differences for you between being girlfriend/boyfriend and being best friends? Why did it feel "awkward" to her? Not much I'll bet!

That's your key.

In fact, you may never have even changed your relationship at all! You call it something different, but I'll bet it's just about exactly the same. Frankly, I wouldn't worry about what you call it if you already have what you want!

On the flip side, if you start meeting and dating other girls, do you think she's going to feel "awkward" then? You bet she is. She'll be wondering if she made the right choice.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hey Doc, me again, listen I read your reply and your right not much has changed except for what we call our relationship, and I did find out why it was "awkward" it was because she said I wasn't being myself and I kept giving her some stuff. Guess I was to forward huh, but we're still tight like spandex, and she's practically glued to me. FYI I forgot to mention she's 2 grades younger but only 1 year younger than me. so like what should I do now, I'm scared to lose her.

Answer
Hello again Leiland!

Aha! Now, I understand what's going on. You were so happy to be in a relationship with this girl, you over-played everything by giving her all sorts of gifts and attention.

Leiland, this is an important lesson to learn here: you NEVER want to give gifts unless they are EARNED. Even then, it has to be simple and usually inexpensive. You can't "buy her" by giving her these gifts! All you do is to make her feel awkward because she hasn't earned them. You're too much too soon.

Don't be scared to lose her. Just explain that you now understand what happened (you DO understand now, right?) and that everything will be fine. Just act like her boyfriend and she'll do the same, but stop trying to buy her affection. That's not how it works. Girls want to be attracted to you on your merit, not on your wallet.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"