Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/25/2008

Question
It is true that women are attracted to a naughty playful guy right?  Can you give me some ways on how to be naughty around women, but not being too much of a jerk that I might get into trouble?
What do women look for in a naughty guy?  I want to be viewed as a fun nughty guy when I would like to attract a woman.  But I'm not creative enough to think of ways to be naughty in a real time situation.

Answer
Hello Adrian!

Actually, you're probably far more creative than you give yourself credit for. Creativity comes in many forms.

By "naughty" I think you mean either "cocky" or "sexual". They are different things and I'll explain both:

The word "cocky" has a negative connotation, but in fact, it's a very powerful thing to build attraction in women. Most guys are too nice and respectful and offer no sort of challenge to women. They don't express their power or anything masculine at all. Let's be clear about this: women are attracted primarily to your masculine power. No woman want's a weak, "mamma's boy".

By acting just a little cocky, you are able to express some of this power in a subtle way. That's actually a very good thing! There are all sorts of tools and tricks you can use to express cockiness - even without being a jackass - however the best example I can give you is your own little sister.

Whether you have one or not, just imagine that you do. How would you treat her? Would you be all lovey and gushy and emotional with her? Of course not! You'd see her as a pain in the ass - wanting to hang around the "big boys" all the time.

That's exactly the attitude you want to take with a girl to act (in your words) "naughty". Treat these girls like they were your bratty little sister instead of some prize to be won. You're going to be shocked at how well they respond to this! Feel free to "bust" them in a playful way by making a few (not many) snide comments. Girls actually find this charming - not insulting!

On the sexual side, you want to come off as a sexual being, but not exclusively so. If that's the only chop you have, it's very one-dimensional and frankly, a big turn-off to women. Instead, you can show your sexual side with subtlety. Small touches on the arm, thigh or back are good examples. When you've created enough rapport with a woman, you can rub the small of her back for instance and just act like it's a perfectly normal thing.

Other thing (that frankly, most guys abuse) is the "sexual innuendo". You can make small, subtle (I keep using that word because women ARE subtle creatures!) sexual jokes ON OCCASION. As I've already mentioned, most guys over-abuse this and just come off as horny, not funny.

By the way, I go into all of this in much greater depth in "Being a Man in a Woman's World II" and if you want to learn how it's all done from the ground-up, there's your resource.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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