Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/5/2008

Question
hi dennis, i have a question im not sure you have ever had before ive been wanting to date this girl for as long as i can remember really like her but she never wanted to date me because well she didnt like me. but now she says she likes me and could see herself with me and says she means it.BUT STILL doesnt want to be in a relationship with me doc, im sick of always being there for her and her not giving me what i want. she says she doesnt want a boyfriend.sounds like an attention whore??.. the information ive gotten on how to handle it is date someone else so then she dont know she can have me when she wants me. and to also not contact her, dont text her, dont call her, dont talk to her.Doc i really like this girl if i want to be with her what do i have to do thanks. jared

Answer
Hello Jared!

I'm not convinced that this girl is an AW, but it's definitely possible. It's somewhat important only from the standpoint of what you do next.

Here's the gig: if she's really an AW, you have to make ANY and ALL attention you give her contingent on giving you what you want. On the other hand, if she's actually interested and trying to get you to do what you should, that's somewhat different.

How do you tell which she is? Simple: look back on your interactions with her. Are they all about her getting that attention from you? Is she trying to extract the maximum attention from you only to ignore you when she gets it? This is classic AW behavior.

On the other hand, if there isn't an alterior motive and she seems like she really DOES like you (through actions, NOT words), then she's just trying to get you to take charge and be the man here.

Many guys do this - they wait around for the girl to decide what she wants and then to make it happen. Unfortunately, this isn't what she wants and nothing ever moves because it's YOUR job to do this - not hers. She knows this.

In this case, just see this as "LMR" ("Last Minute Resistence" - from "Being a Man in a Woman's World II") and simply acknowledge it. Then, go right on and do whatever YOU want. Tell her to be ready on Friday for instance to go out with you. Kiss her and treat her like your girlfriend even though you've never formally agreed to it. Eventually, she'll tell you this anyway.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
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