Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 2/10/2008

Question
So i had been dating this girl for about a year. i meet her at a party of one of my friends and i was instantly attracted to her the moment i saw her. Apon talking to her i became even more attracted to her she was smart, funny, classy sex, in my mind a perfect women. So we flirted for about 3-4 months before we actual dated and talked about everything. Finally i asked her out and it was amazing the happiest i have ever been in my life she made me feel like i mattered and like she was inlove. so final after a year i got the guts to say i love you to her and she said i can't so this and broke up with me. so two weeks later she wanted to hang out so we did and i took her shopping to a movie and to a sushi dinner. after dinner we went for a walk in the park. it was like 5 pm so the sun was out so we laid in the grass next to each other. when 15 minutes had passed i leaned over and kissed her then i realized that it was wrong and this might mean i would lose her and voiced this to her after i said this she got on top of me and started to kiss me among other things so i pushed her off and said we shouldn't do this. she stopped for about 1 minute and then she stared again i tried half heartedly to stop her again but no good. so after she said that w couldn't do this it wouldn't work i broke down crying because i was scared to lose her. later when she was leaving her friend and his date came to get her i hugged her goodbye and she started to make-out with me i asked her y and she said because she loved me and didn't care who saw. so i was really confused. so about a month later we weren't talking i was a wreck i started doing drugs to try to forget (dumb move i know). so after another couple months her best friend and i were talking and she asked me if i missed johanne and i said i didn't but i didn't know why she broke up with me. her friend said it was because she fell in love and was afraid because we were both i love and she didn't want it to go father because she didn't want to think about losing the feelings. what should i do i want her back so bad

Answer
Hello Jake!

Well, I'll say this: you didn't miss a mistake! If there was one there to make, you made it!

Here's what she wanted:

1) She wanted to be the first one to say "I love you". You took that away from her.
2) She wanted to be the girl in the relationship. You're the one that became all emotional so you took that away from her too.
3) She wanted YOU to be the man in the relationship. Since you wouldn't do it, she had to and she wasn't happy about it so she broke up with you.
4) She was trying to SHOW you what you needed to do with all the kissy-face stuff in the park, and you actually told her "NO!" by pushing her away.
5) She insisted, and you resisted.
6) Instead of turning all that emotional energy into masculine power, you started crying instead.
7) She finally told you she loved you and what did you do about it? Nothing. You sat back and waited for HER to do all your work for you.
8) She even sent her girlfriend to try to make something happen with you and you even lied to the her (and yourself) about what you want.

There are 10 other mistakes you made here, but I'm not going to bother to list them all.

Jake, you have to decide what you want. Do you want to be the feminine energy in your relationships or the masculine energy? Yes, you have a choice, but if you're the girl, what does that leave the girl to be? Yup - the guy. No girl wants that! Women have a word for these guys: "loser". I think you deserve better than this, but it's not up to me, it's entirely your game.

Go figure out where you left your balls and put them back in your pants where they belong. Then, go find that girl and tell her - don't ask her, don't beg her, don't start crying or anything else "feminine" - TELL HER that you're taking charge here. You don't care what's happened in the past and you've fixed those mistakes. Then, take her in your arms, and kiss her passionately. Don't be shy here - those days are over. Finally, tell her to be ready on Friday night at 8 (or whenever - you decide - this is your game now) and that you're going to pick her up. Then, go out have a great time, touch her, get passionate and be the man here already!

Jake, we guys have few enough "rights" and little enough control in relationships. Why give away what little you already have? Be a man already and use those tools to craft a real relationship. Then when you do, keep hold of them and she'll continue to love you as long as you do.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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Remington Publications
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