Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 3/27/2008

Question
hi my names bob!

my ex girlfriend and my best friends ex girlfriend are best friends and.. my best friends ex girl has a new boy in her life and the new boy has a little sister.. that's where the i need some advice comes in.. i'm really interested in her.. my ex girl has a guy also, so i don't really think jealousy would be a problem?

anyways, the girl seems really shy.. i've only seen her like 3 times. cause i've been in the same room cause we have the same friends.. but i've never really spoken to her besides a hi and bye. i'm going to see her the new girl again this weekend with friends for movies and eating out.. and i want to.. get closer to her.. of course i have to be her friend first. but .. if you were a shy person.. the quality that attracted me mainly about her were not her looks but.. her qualities for our religion .. her passion..or if you are.. what makes you feel more at ease with a perosn. or more comfortable besides making jokes.. or always smiling when you talk with them, and great eye contact.. i know most of the basics but. i am still a guy so any advice would be great!!!

also.. there's like a line of guys waiting to talk to her.. so i need to get her attention fast!

any help with that?


Answer
Hello Bob!

NO, NO, NO!!!! YOU DO ***NOT*** want to become her friend first!!! Don't do that or you'll never, ever be anything else to her! If you think you know most of the basics, and you actually believe you have to be her friend first, I'm afraid you'd better go right back to square one and start your entire education about women over again. That's seriously dumb, Bob!

Also, you don't have to get her attention "fast" at all! Here's my rule: I never want to be the first guy to talk to a girl - I want to be the last. Get it? I'm very happy to let other guys rush over like horny little puppies and then, a real man (me) will just saunter over and pick her up right from under their noses.

Bob, THAT'S the guy you want to be!

Here's what you do:

When you're in a group, don't go after your target. Instead, charm the GROUP instead! Be fun and engaging with everyone EXCEPT your target. The group will give you "social proof" (the fact that you're a worthwhile person to know) and only AFTER that do you approach the target!

Your approach becomes very easy then. Just say, "Hey, I've been ignoring you..." Done - the ice is broken. Then, spend a few minutes charming her too and finally - CLOSE. Go for what you want - her number, a date, a make-out session or whatever else.

Bob, it's time to drop the arrogance crap and start really learning the game. I'm afraid you don't know what you don't know. Go get started on some real education!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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