Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 3/23/2008

Question
Respected dennis sir,
                  I am 22 year old final year b.e. student and last year during one course two classes were merged and at that time i saw a girl whose eyes were attracting me though she is not that much beautiful and i liked her innocent character she is a calm but bold and friendly girl but will not talk without reason so she hadnt ever talked with me though both of us now work in same lab also.
i am really attracted over her and i was not able to forget her i realised it is real love after one long year...
now i decided to propose her she is also my age only.
College is going to end up in 10 more days how to propose her in an impressing fashion sir?
Moeover i have an ability to draw well shall i draw her picture and award her and tell my love will that be working?
i cant make her come outside to other places... i have no other go except to do this in my college itself will that be okay?
Please help me sir.
regards,
riyaz

Answer
Hello Riyaz!

You live in India, right? I know because this is the most common question I get from you guys.

Riyaz, you need to understand: you don't love this girl - you've only convinced yourself that you do. You don't even know her! You haven't spent any time at all getting to know who she really is and thus, you the only thing you have to go on is what you've built up in your mind. Let's face it: that's a lot for this poor girl to live up to!

You want to be clear on this because what you're doing is creating a situation where you absolutely have to have her or you'll be heartbroken if you don't - and all for what? Because you've created a woman that doesn't even exist! She's someone that you don't really even know. That's a lot of pressure.

So, let's come back to reality here. You're INTERESTED in her, you don't LOVE her - yet. Take a deep breath and relax.

DO NOT go to her and tell her you love her! She's going to know exactly what I've told you - that you think you're in love with someone that doesn't exist. Instead, go talk to her. Introduce yourself and invite her to have coffee with you. Just get to know who she REALLY is and the - and only then - see if she's someone you can fall in love with. If so, then draw her picture and give it to her as a gift - after a few months of proving your suspicions about her.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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