Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 4/27/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hi, I don't know if you could help me because I am not a guy looking for a female, but I have been looking for my female soul mate forever now, (since third grade) and am getting absolutely nowhere. It doesn't make sense because I look like a beautiful runway model and have a wonderful personality, my friends that I have had for 8 years say I am ultimate but just want to be friends, don't get me wrong tons of people want to be with me everywhere I go, but once they see how unique and wolf like I am they turn their noses away seeking a normal human. So do you think you could give me advise on how to find my female soul mate while repelling the hundreds of guys?

ANSWER: Hello Oh-nameless-one!

Actually, I work with and help just as many women as I do men, so that's not a problem here.

Let me be clear on what you're asking here first: you're lesbian and looking for a powerful person that matches - or exceeds your own power - is that correct?

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Yes that is correct.

Answer
Hello again!

You have two issues to deal with here. First of all, the lesbian community is rather small. That narrows your pool of candidates. As well, you're looking for someone with even greater social power than you have - as most all women do. This even further narrows your pool.

Your answer is one of simple marketing. Consider this: if you had invented something really unique (like, hmmm...maybe yourself???) and wanted to sell it to others, what would you have to do? Simple: you'd have to find out what your market wants and craft your product to specifically fit that market. Then, you'd have to go get involved with that market and express the benefits and uniqueness of your product. The sales will begin to take care of themselves.

Marketers and salespeople have to make these same choices everyday. They have to decide whether they want to appeal to a broad market and have many low-dollar sales or appeal to an exclusive market with few high-dollar sales. Do you see how this works?

Your situation is absolutely identical. You have "chosen" to deal with a very limited market with very high requirements. You see, as your own personal power grows (and power is defined in many ways for each of us), you have an even more limited potential buying market.

There are organized lesbian communities almost everywhere. Your first job is to get involved in those communities. Keep your friends as your friends and stop seeing them as potential "customers". Instead, this might be a good time to start checking on-line personals. I regularly recommend against using the Internet to meet people, but your advantage here is to get hooked into the community itself. Once you do, you'll have effectively tapped into your target market. That's where you're going to find your soul mate.

With regards to the guys, the very best way to deal with them isn't to change yourself at all. Guys are still going to hit on you as that's just how us humans interact. Understand this and be sensitive to them doing exactly what you're doing - trying to address their target market. However, also be honest. Don't play games with them, don't be evasive, etc. Just tell them up front and without any uncertainty that you're not interested.

You're going to be surprised that most guys actually appreciate and respect this up-front honesty as it speaks directly to our language.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"