Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 4/28/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hey there.  I have been reading your posting and I like what you have to say so i want to get your opinion now.  I met this girl at the bank i bank at.  We have been hanging out for about a month now, and she is just the most amazing person.  She know that i am interested in her and would like to date her but she got out of a relationship about 3 months ago and just got back onto her feet.  It's seem like she is interested but i'm not forsure.  We have been hanging out about couple times a week.  She goes out of weekends and when she has nothing to do, she contacts me and see what i am doing.  Saturday night, she came over to my friend place to hang out for awhile and she also went with my friends and I out to eat at late night.  Well her birthday is on sunday and trying to figure out what to get her to take her breathe away without my chances.  what do you think and i appersiate your time for looking at this!  
thanks again,
Heath

ANSWER: Hello Heath!

First of all, you need to know - you're late - maybe too late now. If you're hanging out with this girl a couple of times a week, you're no longer boyfriend material, you're her friend only and that's probably ruined your chances with her.

Even worse, you've said that she knows that you're interested in her. You should never have told her this - or even let her think it. You should have kept her guessing instead.

Heath, here's what you did: you put in all this energy in order to make her know you were interested only because you were too much of a coward to actually move things forward. You hoped that she would do your work for you so that you wouldn't have to risk being rejected.

So, how has that worked out so far? Not very well in my opinion.

You see, she knows that it's YOUR job to move things forward. Women want to be with a guy that knows where he's going and is willing to take them there. What you've done is exactly the opposite. You've tried every trick in the book in order to get HER to lead things - and she (like almost every other woman) doesn't want to do that. Thus, instead of exposing what a great boyfriend you'd be, you've proven to her that you're a coward, a pussy, and BOINK! Here you are - square in the friend-zone.

Now, you're still trying to up the game and you think that by giving her some incredible, expensive birthday present she's going to fall in love with you.

No Heath, that's not how it works. You have a lot to learn about women.

Sure, she's going to like what you give her, but she's not going to feel obligated to love you, let alone anything else. You've already proven to her that you don't even see yourself as worthy of her love by not telling her so. Unfortunately, she agrees.

Go to my website (http://beingaman.com) and watch the video on Friends under BAM TV. Then, click on Self Help and read my FAQ's about Friends for more.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Ok i figured.  The only reason why i didn't move in on it is because she just got out of a relationship and i didn't want to pressure it.  does that change anything?  also the present thing not a good idea to do?  also any advice to try and get to get out of that friends circle?  Thanks again
heath

Answer
Hello again Heath!

Did you even bother to look at that video or read the FAQ's like I suggested? That's where you're going to find the answers to these specific questions.

Heath, this is a problem of laziness. You're apparently looking for the easy, quick-fix solution. That's why you become her friend rather than demanding what you really wanted. That's why you didn't bother investing any time in getting the answers you wanted, but instead figured you could just get me to spend my time spoon-feeding you solutions.

If all you're looking for is easy, go visit a hooker. It's a sure thing and about as easy as it gets. If you're looking for something more than that, get off your ass and go get it.

Don't spend an hour looking for the TV remote, when you can just walk over and change the channel. Your time (and frankly, mine) are worth so much more than that.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"