Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 4/10/2008

Question
I'm a 21 year old college student and two months ago, I met a girl who is exactly my personality and has a truckload of things in common with me. We exchanged numbers, talked on the phone many times and went on our first date a week after. She felt like my dream girl and she agreed that we were boyfriend/girlfriend. We went on a few more dates and seemed happy together. Yesterday, though, she said she was unhappy about stress in life and her classes, needing to bring her grades up, and said that she didn't feel ready for a relationship at the moment. So she downgraded our relationship. She smiled and said "thank you" when I told her I would be here for her when she is ready. Nonetheless, I feel disappointed. What should I be feeling now?

Answer
Hello Steve!

What should you be feeling??? How about loss, hurt, anger, etc., etc.?

You aren't the source of stress in her life and in fact, a good, healthy relationship is a stress-reliever. Why would you tolerate this from her?

If she doesn't see the value of having you in her life that's her problem. Don't settle! If you get in the habit of settling for whatever little scraps people are willing to give you, you're going to wind up being a pretty unhappy guy.

If she can't give you what you deserve (and of course, you have to know what you deserve), then it's time to move on and find someone that can. She just opened the door to allow you to do so. If she loses you because of it, that's her own fault, but please, don't settle.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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