Expert: Mark Rosmar - 5/18/2008

Question
There is this girl i met about a year ago, her name is michelle. Our first meet was just at a party. Of course she was amazingly gorgeous, and as i got to know her, so much more beautiful on the inside. But due to that perfect 10 fact, i didnt try to persue anything thinking shed already have guys all over her.

Than one day, through my sister's friends who are connected with her, i found out she was single and interested in me. So of course i decided to try and contact her. This being through talking to her at parties and what not and eventually getting her number. Not wanting to tip my hand and rush things i took it slow and decided to try and win her over and see if i could get her to chase me without her realizing how crazy i was about her.

Well it worked. Eventually leading to a few dates. But than the relationship came to a hault. She was going through finals in University and working a job, so consequently those were the answers i received multiple timess trying to go out with her again. I understood where she was coming from, as I myslef was in University. But 1 week turned into 2 which turned into a month of excuses excusing her from any more dates or hang out time.      

Eventually she told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship. I was heartbroken. So I Stopped contacting her. She said there were things in her past which are preventing her from a relationship, stress, loss of friends, self perseption disorders, yada yada yada.

Than about a month after i stopped talking to her, She called me up and apologised for the way she acted, and that she was sorry and she still has feelings for me. But when i asked her where this was going, she ever so gently told me nowhere. She said she doesn't want to get serious with me because in past relationships she has lost the 'spark' that initiated her relationships after a short while when she got close to the person persieving them more as a friend or brother than a lover. So that was her excuse, she backed it up by taking a 'noble' aproach and she was gonna make me avoid that pain.

I don't know, Should i take her advice and move on? Do i fight for her and ignore the wall she has put up hoping to change her mind, do i wait and wish she'd change her mind? I'm just so confused. To have her say to me and to others that she likes me but yet push me away in some lame attempt to avoid commitment. Or maybe should i just bite the bullet and move on and label her as the 'what if' girl in my life. Maybe you can give me some insight here. I'm walking in the dark.
P.S. Sorry its kinda long, I got carried away.

Answer
Hello Justin,

Only you would have the answer to that question and maybe you should move on; but what I would advise is that if you are ever with this woman again, give her good times without  crowding her and the relationship.

Hope This Helps,
Mark Rosmar