Expert: Ana - 5/18/2008

Question
There is this girl i met about a year ago, her name is michelle. Our first meet was just at a party. Of course she was amazingly gorgeous, and as i got to know her, so much more beautiful on the inside. But due to that perfect 10 fact, i didnt try to persue anything thinking shed already have guys all over her.

Than one day, through my sister's friends who are connected with her, i found out she was single and interested in me. So of course i decided to try and contact her. This being through talking to her at parties and what not and eventually getting her number. Not wanting to tip my hand and rush things i took it slow and decided to try and win her over and see if i could get her to chase me without her realizing how crazy i was about her.

Well it worked. Eventually leading to a few dates. But than the relationship came to a hault. She was going through finals in University and working a job, so consequently those were the answers i received multiple timess trying to go out with her again. I understood where she was coming from, as I myslef was in University. But 1 week turned into 2 which turned into a month of excuses excusing her from any more dates or hang out time.      

Eventually she told me that she wasn't ready for a relationship. I was heartbroken. So I Stopped contacting her. She said there were things in her past which are preventing her from a relationship, stress, loss of friends, self perseption disorders, yada yada yada.

Than about a month after i stopped talking to her, She called me up and apologised for the way she acted, and that she was sorry and she still has feelings for me. But when i asked her where this was going, she ever so gently told me nowhere. She said she doesn't want to get serious with me because in past relationships she has lost the 'spark' that initiated her relationships after a short while when she got close to the person persieving them more as a friend or brother than a lover. So that was her excuse, she backed it up by taking a 'noble' aproach and she was gonna make me avoid that pain.

I don't know, Should i take her advice and move on? Do i fight for her and ignore the wall she has put up hoping to change her mind, do i wait and wish she'd change her mind? I'm just so confused. To have her say to me and to others that she likes me but yet push me away in some lame attempt to avoid commitment. Or maybe should i just bite the bullet and move on and label her as the 'what if' girl in my life. Maybe you can give me some insight here. I'm walking in the dark.
P.S. Sorry its kinda long, I got carried away.

Answer
Hi!

Yes, you're going to have to give this one up. Reason being: when us ladies like you, we DON'T play stupid games like this! We are upfront and don't keep you hanging around hoping. That's just a waste of your time, right? And from what I see, that's rude! I would NEVER keep a guy waiting like that! If I wasn't interested, I would tell him right away.

At least this girl was somewhat nice to you. Bad news is, she was a HUGE and TOTAL waste of your time!

Look around. You've been so focused on this girl that you're forgetting there are ten thousand other women out there that would probably be a better fit.

On a side note, there isn't a whole lot you did that was wrong. Next time you like a girl, find some way to ask her out right away, and if she doesn't respond, forget it and find the next girl who DOES want to go out with you and wouldn't play stupid elementary school games.

You deserve better. Always remember that.

Good luck!
Ana