Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/13/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hi Dennis,
I have been working on putting together a few work shops for women on how
to attract the kind of man they
desire so naturally I have been doing my research on how the other side goes
about this. From a woman's
perspective, you are 100 on target.  Just reading what suggestions you have
given men about passing the "tests"  
I suddenly realized THAT was exactly what I was looking for, a man who
could pass these tests.  I can say
truthfully, we women most of us anyway, do not specifically plan and execute
these tests as pre-planned events,
they just sneak up on us as a subconscious way of weeding through the
wimps to find that one real man who we
all want to believe still exists out there. Ok finally I get to the question.  So
where do we women go to find men
who actually understand these concepts?  Nothing is less appealing to us than
to have to educate a man on how
to be a man.  I have actually gave a few men a clue.  I said several times I will
test you and do not fail.  When
they ask what the test will be I usually have said something along the lines of
"well it will be something that
shows me if you are a man in control or not.  Do not allow me to take
control."  This is of course after they have
given me an indication that perhaps they will let the test go right over their
heads.  At this point, I usually know
it's too late for them but always the optimist, I held out hope they may
surprise me and step up.  So far they
haven't surprised me.  I believe there are many great men out here that just
need to learn what you are teaching
them.  To bad this wasn't a required course in high school... many people
would be in happy lasting
relationships now if it had been.  Now not just for myself (I am widowed) but
for my two young children (boys) I
want to teach them this as they grow up and I want to find a real man as I
simply won't settle or less.
Thank you Dennis for what you are doing for the male population and for
society in general, this is what has
been lacking since the 70's.
Sincerely
Donna Salvador

ANSWER: Hello Donna!

Thanks for your comments. It's particularly heartening to hear that you accept "The Test" for what it is. You'd be surprised at how many people I explain this phenomenon to that simply don't want to believe it. Of course, when we start getting deeper into it, it becomes obvious that it's happening - by the very women that claim it doesn't happen!

The Test (and it's younger cousins the "Pre-Test", the "Mini-Test" and the "Test by Proxy") are all subconscious actions with the same primary goal: to determine which men will actively build the kind of relationships for themselves and their girls that you girls ultimately need to feel safe and secure. Let's face it, you'll never feel love unless you first feel this security.

I go into these in great depth in my own seminars, books and recordings as I believe they are the most important lesson for guys to not only hear, but to fully understand. You'd be surprised (or then, maybe you wouldn't) to learn how many guys reject the concept outright - or simply don't want to believe it. It's so foreign to men's own reactions that they don't want to see it in anyone else.

Interestingly, I have never met anyone that actually told the men she dates that she gives these tests however! I think that is a fascinating study in and of itself! I'll bet you're either so frustrated with men that can't pass these tests (let alone recognize them) or you're just this generous. In either case, you must be amazingly patient!

I also agree with you - men today (even older guys) just don't know about these Tests and choose to sit back and do nothing about them. Trying to reach these guys is a monumental task, but we're trying every venue possible from my website (http://beingaman.com) to my books, CD's, DVD's, seminars, articles, these answers and our new show, BAM! TV (http://beingaman.tv).

Interestingly, on the flip side, you girls do a lot of damage to yourselves in order to find the guys that organically understand Tests. A good example is all the women that look for and actually date jerks (all while claiming they don't! How cute!)

Indeed, SOME jerks understand the Test, but most don't. They are simply assholes that don't know any better. These guys are even tougher to educate simply because they're arrogant; but arrogant without a purpose.

Some male archetypes that are more likely to get this are:

Entreprenuers
Businessmen
Political and community leaders
Sports figures
"Old money" types
Think-Tank Intellectuals
Conservatives

...but this is still a crap-shoot as not all the men in these areas are clear either. It's just that there is a higher percentage.

I wish I had a better answer for you, but the reality is, there are very few male roll models today that men can draw from to learn these skills. The worst news is that women are the ones that are suffering the most because of it.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi Dennis,
You are so very right, we women do want and need security before we will fall in love.  If a man shows us
he has the ability to give us that, it is like a strong aphrodisiac, better than chocolate.  I think the perfect
venue for women to meet these sorts of men, would be just outside your seminars after they have been
released and hopefully learned some of your wealth of knowledge.  What a great place to set up a dating
booth.  (really I am kidding) but honestly, please direct these men to one central place, like a website or
online dating place or chat room.  Give us a shot at them at least. Or rather in my case, I would like to
give them a shot at me, as in allowing them to pursue me.
I am surprised to hear that so many were unaware of the tests we women set up men with.  I think it is
genetic.  Not a bad thing either.  Animals in the wild do it, routinely the female will test the males to see
which one is the best, the strongest etc.  Even as a small child, I had my tests for the boys.  My earliest
test I recall, two 5 year old boys were competing for my attention and the right to walk me to school.  
They were throwing mean barbs back and forth and it eventually got physical.  I said whoever wins can
walk me to school.  Interestingly, I was rooting for the one who lost. He gave up fairly fast, losing all my
respect and attraction for him in the process so I declared the other the winner and he became my
boyfriend until we moved from the neighborhood.  Moral of the story.  Men... never give up!  If you want a
woman, pursue her.  Oh and listen to Dennis, pass our tests!  A man who takes control gets our highest
respect.  (No one wants a weak person... do you?)
Thank you again, I will read your books so I can add this unique perspective to my workshops, you can
never have to much knowledge.  

Sincerely,
Donna Salvador

Answer
Hello again Donna!

Actually, we have just such a group! You can find it here: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/beingaman. This group is free to join and has both men and women that discuss these very topics.

Interestingly, The Test isn't an intuitive part of the culture - it's an ingrained, biologically-motivated, evolutionary adaptation that human women have made. You do see it all over the place, manifesting itself in some very strange ways, but in fact, nobody talks about it because it's not an obvious personality trait. Even more important, people don't really want to believe that they are actually doing things based purely on pre-wiring. We are pretty arrogant that way.

If you ever do a workshop in the Los Angeles area, let me know.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"