Expert: Ana - 5/27/2008

Question
Hi Ana. I'm newly single and have no problem talking to people that I get introduced to but I don't really know how to face rejection and cross into other cliques. It's a small town and guys just tend to do exactly what I'm doing - hang out with your friends and watch beautiful women walk down the street and wish you had some way to meet them. You know it's not just for dating I'm wondering. I want to have more social connections here that don't involve bars or dependant people.

Normally, I'm pretty confident and I've gone long stretches being single. I'm still a little hurt from my last relationship. I was betrayed on the Ides of March (how classic is that?!) Broke up with her on March 14 because she was having an affair with a coworker. Basically she's done the same thing to every guy she's been with. But I didn't know that before. So my confidence has taken a hit. But I'm really proud of how I've taken all that energy and put it into constructive places. I'm writing a consigned play, writing music, taking lessons, making friends, quitting smoking, etc. But still, my ex has multiple guys wowing her and fighting over her right now, catering to her and making her feel special, and I'm by my lonesome. So even though I should feel like I did the right thing dumping her cheating heart, I feel like she's coming out on top and she probably feels that way too. I want to meet people I'm attracted too. It doesn't mean I want to have sex with anyone right now (even though I sorta do - I don't want to bring my baggage into anyone's life). But I'd like to show myself I'm not so impotent.

But back to the point. I see healthy women I find attractive all over the place. It's a decent place to start but I don't know anything about them. I don't know who she is. I don't know if there are any common interests. If she's got a partner already. She's under the bright blue sky and that's all I know about her. And I don't want to come off as some weirdo or a player with cheese ball pick up lines. I'm a good guy but a little shy I guess. But what would a woman think if a girl ran after her like that old perfume commercial? As for getting involved in hobbies...unfortunately since my hobbies are entertainment, most of the venues are bars...and that's where I met the last one - lesson learned.

Appreciate any insight you have. Thanks for offering your time Ana.

Answer
Hey Paul!!!

How are you. Hey, don't feel bad. All of us go through what you're going through. In fact, I've gone through what you've gone through numerous times all my life. It's just life.

So now first of all, congrats on dumping that stupid psycho bitch that cheated on you! You don't need that shit in your life, right? I know I had several guys cheat on me (with the fattest, ugliest, nastiest women too, what the hell?) but I just looked at as a blessing in disguise. It still hurt really bad though. But I got over it eventually.

Don't beat yourself up about it. There are a LOT of liars and cheaters in this world. It's almost impossible to judge someone's character until you've dated them for a year or two at least. But now you have enough info to screen the wrong women out next time, right? And those guys that are hitting on her...will be crying into their cereal pretty soon after she dumps them for the next guy...trust me on this one.

Secondly, this is what you do. Keep going out with your guy friends and having fun! And I think it's sooooooooooo awesome that you have all this cool, amazing stuff going for you right now! The next lady that meets you is in for quite a treat!

So now when you go out, make sure you look nice and wear nice cologne (but not overpowering) Make sure your hair is neat and combed and that you look HOT (but dont overdo it - no need for armani suits - just casual hot, if you know what I mean? just enought to look presentable) nice clothes, nice jacket, nice shoes. Just regular ordinary clothes that still come off classy. And NO BODY ODOR or sweaty armpits! that's instant turn off!

So when you're out and about, if you're standing next to a pretty girl, let's say grocery store line, or at the mall, or at a restaurant, movies, waiting to get your car tuned up, whatever... strike up a conversation!

But make sure to come across as NORMAL, just like you're talking to a guy friend, steer her into a regular, ordinary conversation. Just treat her like a guy friend, crack jokes (if you can?) to make her laugh maybe. If she seems like a cool girl, say you've got to go, but ask her for her number and give her yours, and then leave!

With a little practice, you'll be getting all the ladies!

You just have to be NORMAL, and just view this as a 'job interview' type thing. YOU are in power, screening women out, YOU are looking for the right one.

You will not accept bad behavior from any lady! Any woman who is lucky enough to get a man like you needs to EARN your respect! That means no woman should lie to you, treat you badly, sneak around behind your back with other men, or start stupid shit drama. You are quite a prize and you don't need that crap from women!

And if she doesn't meet your standards?

NEXT!!!

hope this helps :)
- Ana

P.S. I don't know which one of us is worse. I had the opposite problem in the past - I got a lot of men - then I would find out they were all married with kids! AHHHHH!