Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/25/2008

Question
QUESTION: Hey Dennis,

Why is it that when a man puts his arms around a woman, it is the BEST feeling in the world?

This has nothing to do with who the guy is. It could be a boyfriend/husband, or it could be just any guy, brother, friend, father etc. Even lesbians have told me that when a man holds them they feel awesome.

What is it about women that crave this feeling?

Second question -

I am a 26 year old woman. I like a guy who is 39 years old and he seems to like me a lot. We are both in medical school together and we are both going to become doctors. He was in the army for 10 years prior to coming to med school.

He seems lonely and kind of horny too. But I can tell he's basically a good guy and has been hurt by women in the past so I'm willing to give him a chance. I like him a lot.

Despite his age, experience, and his good looks, he seems very simple and also seems to have no clue as to how to move things forward with a woman. I find this odd considering how many long term girlfriends he's had.

Ok so what can you tell me. I've never dated a guy older than me, all the guys I've dated are young 19-24 range.

So maybe it will be nice to date a real man for a change ... instead of training a boy... or changing diapers (just kidding)

Can you tell me any problems you see with our age difference?

He's almost 15 years my senior

thanks

~ jaci ~

oh and P.S. I am in the wrong category but your other profile said u were maxed out. so i asked in teh guys one, sorry!!!

ANSWER: Hello Jaci!

First answer:

Women crave what is powerful in men. Men by the way have different cravings from women! The experience of being "enveloped" by a man speaks to this need for protection, security and closeness; and let's face it, without these experiences, you'll never feel love or loved. In fact, this is actually a pre-wired experience for most women and there are many others.

...Probably not the romantic explanation you hoped to hear, eh?

Unfortunately, there are many in our modern culture that fight this belief because it implies a certain weakness in women. In fact, your very ability to experience this is a particular strength! I think it's sad when women try to compete with men in masculine things simply because they deny their own unique feminine powers in doing so.

Second answer:

Don't think it's odd for men to be clueless about moving things forward with women. It's unfortunate but in today's "woman's world" the models of masculine behavior are few and far-between. Many men just never learn how to make things work and simply fall into relationships by accident.

Actually, many younger women are fascinated by older men. You hear today about all the "cougars" and some nebulous examples of young men supposedly "fascinated" by them but this is less reality and more wishful thinking. Having someone that doesn't have to rely on you to give him direction and gives you the sense he's going somewhere can be very enticing for women of any age! I'm actually quite worried for the guys your age as when they get to be this gentleman's age, they're going to be very, very confused!

Actually, I'm older than this guy is but I date women your age as well as those my age. There really aren't that many problems! There will be differences in experience, interests in music and some activities, but if both people are flexible and interested in exploring things based exclusively on their own merit, there are actually few problems!

One area that can become a problem quickly is in sex. Unless you've made a concerted effort to explore your own sexuality, this can be something of a challenge unless he's willing to be patient while you come up to speed, and you're willing to be open and let go of all the stigma girls of your age often carry. This can be a little tough at first, but trust me the rewards in doing so are huge.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Well him and I, despite all our differences, like the same music, movies, art, literature, novels, etc. We like the same literary things and we go into deep conversations about it. We like the same bands and stuff, and we are both huge Quentin Tarantino buffs.

So actually culturally, there's not too much difference between us at all. And we've had many similar experiences in life and career. Despite our ages.

So that part is taken care of. Him and I are more alike than we are different.

The BIG issue is going to be sex. I'm still a virgin because I've never had a boyfriend! But I don't have any hangups about sex at all. I'm excited to do it.

And he's almost 40, I mean come on, he's got to want sex right away.

I'm more than willing to move things forward with him though :)

Because I think this guy's a winner...

I have been with so many young, immature losers...that I am happy to meet a guy who knows what he's doing... even if he is shy about going about it... i won't say he totally doesn't know how to move things forward... i mean he asked for my number right away so at least he has some confidence...

ANSWER: Hello again Jaci!

It sounds like a perfect match! I hope this works out for you.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Oh yeah we have the same birthday, May 10. How funny, so we are both the same sign in the zodiac, the Taurus (bull) They say 2 Taurus bulls will have the same tastes in cultural things and have the same personality which may lead to long term relationships or marriage. HA HA. that's funny.

Do you think him being 40 (he seems like a good guy) will make him hestitate a bit to take my virginity?

Or he'll worry that since it's my first time he has to do an extra good job or something.

How can I allay those fears.

I hope this works out too :)

Answer
Hey Jaci!

Aren't we the curios one this morning??

Since I don't know this guy, I can't say. If it were me, I'd want to be certain that my partner was clear on this, but frankly, virginity is highly overrated anyway. It's not exactly a "prize".

You can allay those fears in him simply by being certain - and ready - to move forward.

Jaci, sex is fun. It's connection and it's closeness and it's adult playtime. It doesn't have to be a big dramatic thing and hopefully he understands this too.

Don't make a big deal out of your virginity and he won't either. If and when you're ready for sex, protect yourself but relax and enjoy just being together in that moment in time.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"