Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/2/2008

Question
Ok well hear is my story very long, Its been 7 months I been with my girl and it seems now we hit a rocky road in the relationship. In the beginning things were awesome seeing each other over the weekends and all. We had such a great time together. We were so compatible and most importantly we did understand each other for the most part. Little over 5 months of the relationship we were so caught up with each other and very happy. We both decided we should live together. Biggest mistake we both made. Seems like it was rushed to much and I look back and realize it wasn’t a good idea. Ever since we moved in seeing each other 7 days a week. The situation did not seem to work well. More arguments happened this way. I wish we just could go back to weekends and see each other. You know what hurts most to me is actually leaving my home town, my 2 bedroom apartment, a decent job, family and friends to move to New Jersey and start my life with someone I truly care for. I was so positive it wouldn’t end up the way it has. I did drop everything and went. I just wish things were different. I love to try to resolve situations before they get out of control. I am not one to engage in a fight. I avoid them. Don’t get me wrong, She is special to me in every way. She taught me how to love again, gave me the strength to hold myself together through the toughest times. I appreciate everything about her and love her with all my heart I truly do. Her family is down rite the greatest family I have ever met I like them a lot. Though, it seems She just doesn’t want to be with me or anyone now, understandable! It was so hard for me to accept this after all we been through. I showed her how much I cared for her. My actions always were louder then my words. We truly had a connection that was in my opinion "true love for sure". Moving in was the destruction of our relationship. I have never visioned it would be like this at all. After all, all I wanted was the best for her. She says, "you are a great guy in every way". That I know I am. Though, I really am hurt to be the one that’s being let go. The hardest thing was to let go of someone you truly care for. It was painful no doubt about it. I still Love her as I know she does deep inside for me. Who knows maybe one day we will be officially together again? I only hope so. This is a sad ending to something that was so beautiful. In the end maybe we grew apart, little arguments here and there are normal in every relationship, I’m not perfect but who is? Really, all I know is I gave my 100 percent to be the best person possible to her and well I was let go because one day she decided she didn’t want to be with no one in general. Another thing I must add is one time in California I did accuse her of cheating with her best friend. She's a female too. The reason why is because in the past she told me they were like soul mate's or something. Also, I had gut instinct something was going on that night I was over her friends house. They leave me in guest room and go into room together and lie down together with door closed laughing and stuff for hours, while I'm in guest room.... So after awhile I knock on door and says something is bothering me. They say it has to wait? I'm like ok, then hour later light gets shut off. So I now knock on door and barge In on my Gf. She was in her underwear laying with her female friend under covers making pretend they were sleeping, is this normal seriously... I had a rite to be upset that night. She does check out females on the internet says how cute and hot they are. Then it got worse, she didn't want to be with me no more. I also over heard when she was on phone, talking to someone about meeting her and stuff. Also going out late coming home late and I can't go with her no more? This was all very painful and upsetting. Then lastly I find out she makes a profile on a dating website with 2 different names one wants to meet a long term male and one long term female, this shit is crazy seriously....   I finally had to respect and accept what she wanted. Even though that is what hurt the most and will linger with me for quiet sometime. I never wanted to become a memory, I wanted to just grow with someone special, have a bright future, and live happy one day together thats all. What do I do I still care for her and love her a lot, we still talk once in awhile....... Need help here please????

Answer
Hello Joe!

So what do you want? You spent 3/4's of this letter telling me how much you love her and how in love you are and were and .... holy shit Joe! Really, you could have saved us both a ton of time by just cutting all of that crap out.

I get it already!!!!

Your girlfriend is bisexual and she DID cheat on you. What do you want me to say? She's also obviously confused about what she wants in her life and it appears that's not you.

Joe, the problem here is one I see constantly. You're not the boyfriend in this relationship, you're the girlfriend. This girl is confused about everything but that fact.

I agree, moving in together was a huge mistake - especially so early. You obviously did this thinking that you could get a better handle on all of your own insecurities. Didn't work, did it?

Now, you're facing a situation where she doesn't want to be with you and you're miles and miles away from home.

Joe, it's time to man-up here. You're going to have to suck-up your mistake, get the hell out of there and just accept the error. You've got to get healed over this so you can move on. More important, use this education to never, ever do this again!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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