Expert: Mark Rosmar - 5/24/2008

Question
Hi doc
i happen to be the manager of a manager who has this girl (she is 21 and i m 28) in his team and i have always kept a distance from her "interested" eyes and only maintained warm smiles everytime we passed by each other. This has been happening since last 5 months... oflate we just got started talking when she was late at work and i helped her get a transport back to her residence, considering no one else was around to help. she called me feom the cab and we spoke for over 2.5 hrs. At office i maintained the usual distance and she appeared to be expecting a closer interaction. Towards the end of the day i text messaged her asking about how her day was etc and soon wished her good night. On the third day as well I began interacting on text messages and she appeared to be quite responsive showing me her interest levels, then i called her up and we spoke for over 2 hrs, before she finally went off to sleep.
Doc this girl seems to be interested in something to do with me and thats why i see her quite forthcoming but that could be because she is impressed with my profile and the respect i carry, as she has made a mention of that several times.. besides i look good too. My only concern here is that although she is appearing to be interested and I like an open and honest person like her, I want to take sufficient precautions to ensure this thing between us grows stronger and has life... i often consider her excitement as some sort of "rush" that exists only because i began talking to her a few days ago and that it will die out soon... may be when that rush settles down OR the day she realizes that "i have" begun to "think about her" as well... not sure... I want a normal relationship and m ready to take it slow if thats whats required... she also appears to be quite naive to this relationship thing and may be thats why she isn't playing any "games" with me like my previous girl friend (an attention whore) did.. Doc I need you help and advice in this thing I seem to be getting into... to keep it young and interesting what precautions must i take? how should i sense that its time for my next move (asking her out)? i think allowing myself to be pulled into those hourly long talks may have her take me for granted.. not sure... what do you think how much distance should i maintain to ensure this bond keeps growing and is healthly? also i wouldn't want her to talk about this to anyone at work, as thing begin getting complicated then... how should i deal with this expectation of mine without offending her?
Doc pls help me not blow this up. Thanks for your time! God Bless!!!!

Answer
Hello Jimmy,

and thanks for your letter.

The best way to deal with this - besides proposing marriage is to change job or department.
Right now you could never properly gauge her genuine feelings for you, this barrier would be overcome by removing the manager/subordinate dynamic.

Fingers crossed: she wouldn't start feeling the same way about your replacement.

Hope This Helps.

Mark Rosmar