AboutDr. Dennis W. Neder Expertise I am the author of the books "Being a Man in a Woman`s World I & II" and "1001 Places and Techniques to Meet Great Women". I`ve spent the last 20 years studying the art and science of every aspect of relationships, dating and sex, and have answered over 20,000 letters from readers from all over the world.
I'm able to answer literally any question regarding dating, finding and approaching women, sex, getting phone numbers, setting dates, what to do on dates, how to set them (and make sure she shows), dealing with dating problems, conversion from dates to relationships, etc. Check my website at: http://beingaman.com for much more. You can email me directly at: dwneder@beingaman.com
Experience My main focus is men`s relationships with women, but half my readers are women and I've very experiened in giving the male perspective on men and helping women understand us better.
Education/Credentials Ph.D
Past/Present clients Many thousands ... and millions of readers all over the world.
my situation is a bit complex, I am with a girl, I'll call her Caty (and we have been together over 2y now) and we leave a relation base on compromise. We don't have a lot of common ground. Always bickering on who will decide what we do... She present me to some people she knew, and there this one girl she presented me (Let's call her Mary) ... I know most people say that friend of girlfriend is a no no situation...
But I can't stop myself thinking about her, I saw her two or three time, never alone and the more I saw her the more I was thinking that I would like to know her better and find out if we could be together...
Now the problem is this. Another friend of my girlfriends saw me looking at Mary and she warn my girlfriend to be cautious. I've overheard them talk when I wasn't supposed to be there.
Since then (2 months and counting) Caty never talked about Mary, and we never saw her again. I'm not able to forget her, I don't know what to do. Should I try to talk with Mary, should I let her be one of my dream and add her to the regret I have in my life.
thank you for your help
R.
ANSWER: Hello Remy!
It doesn't sound like you're married to Caty or that you're very committed to her. In fact, I think that Mary might be someone you could date and I don't see any particular stigma in doing so if you're really feeling over Caty.
You're going to have to counter the initial objection with Mary of Caty being her friend, but once you do, you might have a shot.
Just be aware that this is likely going to get back to Caty and things will be over with her. Or will they????
If this happens, you can always say to Caty that you don't get the sense that she's working very hard to keep you interested by not finding common ground for you both. If things don't work out with Mary, it actually may actually strengthen things with Caty, but it's a crap-shoot.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: That's precisely my problem, I don't want to be disrespectful with Caty (After all she's the one Mary will surely compare herself with, "Hey that's how he treat girl..."). But anything I do to know Mary a little more, to try to see if there might be something, will come back to Caty. A mutual friend of Mary and Caty happen to be Mary's confident (Not a very good one, if I may say, since she tell thing that she shouldn't) and I know them well enough to know that she will tell Caty. And that will be all. No more Caty and me only me.
Hopefully it would work between Mary and me but otherwise I would kinda be left all alone and that's not something I want to happen. I never was good with women, and I'm terribly shy with women (Like everybody the more I find a girl attractive the worst It gets). Nor was I ever good at socializing.
I don't want to be just a friend of Mary, I don't think girl date friend... I really like Mary for what I saw of her. But I'm clear headed enough to know that nothing is only white or only black...
Anyway, any piece of advice on what should be my next step ? Invite Mary to do something. Should I let go of Caty, wait a little then asked Mary out? Should I just move on with my life and try to find someone else somewhere else and try to forget both of them ...
R.
Answer Hello again Remy!
If you don't want to be disrespectful to Caty then why are you even asking me this question??? Do you really think I have some magic way to allow you to date someone other than your partner and NOT have it be disrespectful???
Come on now Remy, what the fuck do you REALLY want here? You can't have it both ways. Either you're going to try to date Mary and deal with the fall-out, or you're going to go back and treat your relationship and your girl with the respect they deserve.
You're going to have to decide what you want - you can't have it both ways.
Best regards...
Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826 http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
