Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 5/12/2008

Question
QUESTION: hi,
my girlfriend of 2 and a half years has recently said she wanted time and space, so i let her. ad about a few days later i called her and texted her bagging for another chance and it didn't work out. so i sweated it out for the next two weeks and then i sent her a letter and flowers. i got no answer, then i found out the next day that she has moved on to someone else. It has only been like a month since the break.  It was my fault she wanted this in the first place i was all lazy and really didnt want to do much we would never go out and i wouldnt take her out with my friends.. we would just lay in bed and watch tv. now i miss her like crazy and dont know what to do i want to win her back and show her i can make a commitment. I know that i can change and have but i dont know how to get her back and show her. she wont answer my calls or my texts or emails. what should i do?
thanks chris

ANSWER: Hello Chris!

What she wanted was a "break", and yes, it was your fault, but not because you didn't want to go out. It was because you agreed to this out of fear and you didn't pay attention to what was going on. You neglected your relationship AND you didn't take a strong, masculine stand to set a course.

Trust me, Chris, in just a month of being on a break she "finds" someone else? No way. She had someone else waiting around in the wings and her wanting this break was just because she was too much of a callous, cowardly bitch to tell you the truth. After 2 years, she didn't even think you deserved the courtesy of being honest with you.

You need to understand what these sorts of breaks are exactly. After you read this letter go to my website (http://beingaman.com) and click on BAM TV. From there, watch the video on breaks.

Let's examine this a little closer - what exactly do you want "back"? You blame yourself for this because you didn't do anything, but I have to ask, did she? Obviously not! She was just as content to stay in bed and watch TV too. Who elected you entertainment director?

Chris, both people in a relationship have the responsibility to keep it fun, refreshing and interesting. While you certainly didn't pull your weight to make this worthwhile, I don't see where she did much either.

What she did do was pretty damn cold in my opinion. Is that really what you think you want in your life? If that's all you think you're worthy of, I truly feel sorry for you. I'd want much more for you, but that's not up to me, it's your decision.

I hope you see this as the opportunity it is. That opportunity is to get yourself back in shape and begin to see that you deserve more than she could give you, to get out there and meet new girls and start building an exciting life of fun, respect, courtesy, passion and love. I don't detect that any of this was part of your last relationship. All it had was familiarity and that's what you miss.

Now, when you become that new person you're going to have lots of choices and frankly, one of them will be your ex, but you're probably not going to even want to bother settling for someone like her again.

Chris, it's time for YOU to move on.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: she was an awesome girl to be around. she was everything to me and now i got nothing and i dont even know what to do with my self. i really miss her and i know what she is doing is low. i just want her back in my arms. and i know if she would just give me a chance i could make it work.. i love her i truly do and i know that i shouldnt because of this whole situation. She would always say we need a date and i would just say ya ya. and not really care.

ANSWER: Hello again Chris!

Neglect is certainly a bad thing, but not as bad as dumping you by lying you to about being on a "break" - making you think one thing while she's out doing something completely different. She's a liar and a cold, hard bitch.

You lost nothing in my opinion. You gained everything because now you can use that energy to create the type of relationship you deserve. You just have to see this for yourself.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: i really dont know how to even feel about the whole thing. and how to get over it? and move on. for me its not over and i know that for her it is. but i dont want to give up on her..

Answer
Yo! Chris!

The only answer I have for you is a trite one: time.

Well, there *is* another tool I have for you. Go to my website (http://beingaman.com) and click on "self help". From there, click on "miscellaneous articles" and read "34c Deprogramming Miracle Cure".

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"