Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/7/2008

Question
hey dennis.

this is not in the right category. but i know you are trained in dealing with many different types of situations, so i am asking you.

i have one best friend, she has been wonderful and has supported me in the last 10 years of my life when no one else would. a TRUE friend. very rare find. a best friend.

she is in the 2nd year of medical school and soon she will have to take her USMLE exam. that is, the boards.

this test determines the rest of her career. it determines which residency she gets at what hospital, and it also determines what specialty she gets.

medical students study almost 24 hours a day for this test for months, because really, you HAVE to pass the boards in order to become a doctor, obviously.

(the test you take after 2nd year, is called Step 1 and is the most important, the other scores from the other steps and boards are not as heavily looked at)

so it's imperative that she does well.

her long term boyfriend has broken up with her (she wanted to marry him) and is dating another girl and has sex with her already.

So my friend is devastated and crying and going hysterical about this. and its been going on for a while.

she's so upset that she is not studying.

What is a way I can talk to her...so that she understands how important her exam is and not to think about the guy who left her.

I really don't want her to fail her boards, she is a very nice person and will be an excellent doctor. She is like a sister to me. so i am very concerned about her depression and obsession with this guy.

any ideas, on how i can be a good, loyal friend and get her to take medical school seriously?

thank you!!!
-K.

Answer
Hello Katherine!

First of all, I really appreciate your situation. Having someone so close to you going through this is just like you're going through it yourself. She's lucky to have you there for her.

This is also your greatest challenge however. Psychologists know that they can't counsel friends or family as they are just too close to these people to offer unbiased help. Thus, they always refer out and that's the very best thing you can do here too.

I suggest that you help your friend seek some grief counseling right away. This isn't going to solve the problem for her, but it'll help her get enough foundation to be able to redirect her energies back to the short term emergency - her studies. Once she gets past that she can go back to grieving if she needs to, but frankly, a strong connection with a goal is often enough to bring someone out of this deep sort of funk.

I hope that helps!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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