Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/25/2008

Question
Hi there:

My story started when I came to my freind's restaurant and I saw this new girl that works for him (waitress) and I just didn't understand why I got attracted to her so much even I know most of girls who work there are very beautiful.

I really started looking and flirting and she noticed that. I didn't really want to seem that I am sterring but I told her with my eyes contacts that I really like you. She also started looking at me each time, smiling,etc... I even noticed that she kind of telling other girls who work there that there is something going on.... I think if I am not wrong she also likes me.

One day, I came to the restaurant as there was a soccer game we want to watch me and my friend (owner). I said Hi to her and asked her if she works all day and stuf.

After I left, my friend called me and told me that "Erica" asked him about me, and she said he seems like a very nice guy.

I really didn't want to jump and do something crazy... I came again and didn't really wanted her to know that there is something...

later, I asked her if she wants to have some coffee with me, we exchanged phone numbers. Then she called me the day we suppose to meet and she told me that she's going to be busy with her mom and that "she has a boyfriend". I made a huge mistake the next day and I texted her "I am sorry if I sounded very excited to meet you Erica I really didn't know u have a boyfriend. I will be honored of your friendship".

Do you think it's over and I will never have this girl as a girlfriend one day. Should I just walk away and never go to my freind's restaurant when she's working?

Thanks and am sorry if my email too long.

Answer
Hello Terry!

Here's the problem: you have no game and you've proven to her that you have no game.

She was obviously interested in you and then threw a little pre-test at you and you failed - miserably. You could have handled it differently and could have turned her into a girlfriend, but now you have a bunch of problems...

...and you still have no game!

First off, EVERY girl claims to have "boyfriends". This is a very common female ploy that tests to see if you're man enough to deal with it. You came right out and told her that you weren't by saying you were "honored" in being her "friend"? Why would any self-respecting man be "honored" by that??? Answer: they wouldn't be - only non self-respecting men would!

Do you see the problem here?

Yes, you can go bury your head in the sand and hide from her if you want to. That will solve this permanently for you.

The other choice is to get a spine, stand up-right and tell her you don't give a shit if she has a "boyfriend" or not. Tell her that if he meant everything to her, she'd never have agreed to meet you for coffee in the first place and that should tell her everything she needs to know.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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