Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 6/5/2008

Question
Hi im a 20 yr old shy guy. Theres a girl the same age as me that i like. We new each others personality a bit coz we both had to attend youth worker meetings, i made her laugh a couple times unitentionally. She is a well spoken  girl and im like the more common street person that talks like mixed between asian, black and white slang accent, but im not chav.
I fancied her for about a year and half at my church.  but i didnt do anything about it. She new i liked her because i could just sense it.. u know what i mean?
After bout the first 3/4 year that i fancied her i noticed that she did to me what i was doing to her.(Looking then looking away when our eyes met and being near each other as close as comfortable(if that makes any sense lol) like sitting or standing when ever possible but not talking only the occassional hello.(We never have had a convrsation) Damn it i never made a move! i know i should of, it was a great chance. It could have been my first in person GF ever! But possibly being my 1st gf ever was too scary for me to approach. This carried on for about another half year until 1 sunday it was a wedding, she was with a guy that i kind of know. He is a  bothin looking, serioulsy ugly guy that thinks he knos everything and i hate him coz our personality clashes. I heard they had only just gotten togehter a week ago, when at the wedding  and that they went out with each other about 2 year ago. i was devastated like someone ripped my heart out! I was like WTF she must of become tired of waiting so long for me to buck up the courage to make a move.
I know its long but please read  on.. thx :)
Now i havnt seen her in ages up close because i backed off. so i feel like i dont fancy her but when i get a glimpse of her that doesnt happen often because i guess she is at her bf church most of the time. I get that butterfly feeling and excitement like im really really pleased and excited to see her.
Now moving on there is an avent im going on in the middle of nowhere. where 100s of teenagers and young adults meet up and camp in a massive... MASSIVE! camp with fun things to do like bars (selling softdrink), cinema, live music and sports for a week! in big tents.
I will be a youth team leader with 3 other leaders. One of them is the girl i like.. Yessssssssss!!!!. And As far as i know her BF wont be there! woohoo!!
Do you think i should go for it or not bother?? what could i do to get stuck in there?? Like... approaching, making jokes and interesting conversation... but not cheesey pick up lines that i know wont work coz i see it happen too much. Im very observant by the way just incase that could be of use in any way??
Sorry that its long winded! I felt the need to let it all out :) Thx for reading.
Guys like you should get paid for this!

Answer
Hello Anthony!

You're damn right she got tired of waiting for you!

Anthony, what in the hell were you thinking? You have opportunity after opportunity, but just because they weren't perfect or she didn't do your work for you, you never connected with her? What a complete, utter waste that was!

Yes, now you have a great opportunity AGAIN, and you're wondering whether or not you should make a move???

ANTHONY!!! What the hell???? OF COURSE you should make a move! This may very well be the absolute last chance you ever have. If you do nothing, all you're doing is practicing failure! Is that really what you want to get good at? Keep it up and you will.

Further, being far away from everything else is going to give you some incredible advantages here. You and she will have a chance to sneak out alone by yourselves and make up for all those lost chances that you just threw away before.

You get to be any person you want to be, so who's it going to be? Why not be the confident, powerful guy she would really think is fun and interesting? Approach her the very first time you see her - no more excuses! Then tell her you missed her and you're looking forward to reconnecting over the trip - and then DO IT!!! Don't wait around for "perfect moments" - they aren't going to come on their own. They'll only happen if you MAKE them happen.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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