Expert: Ana - 6/27/2008

Question
Hello Ana.
I have been in a great relationship for the last 16 weeks, every thing was great !! She is 32 years old (never married) with a fantastic 10 year old daughter and I'm 38 separated with two great girls 14 & 16, we met by chance at my business ( she was a customer )and started dating, she is a very independent woman and for the first few dates she wouldn't even let me give her a kiss ( cheek only )as she said that she wanted to be sure, She had been with a "Bad boy" in her last relationship and he was not a nice bloke ( 10 months earlier ) any way we started been together all the time our kids liked each other and both of us got on really well with each others kids as well, She and I slept at each others homes and shared so much , she had told me that I would be a great dad and that she felt I was the one that she could grow old with !!! she said I make her feel safe and that she could plan a future with me, we cooked for each other often...
on a Saturday night out on the town she told me that she loved me for the First time, she does not express her self much by saying things like that, she normally just shows it , the following Thursday she left me !? she said that she does not feel the same for me as I do for her , she is no good for me ! that I am different to the men she had been with in the past and that I'm too nice, I told her that she is just scared to let any one in and love her the way she deserves !!! she takes medication for anxiety and I know she stopped taking them about 2 weeks earlier as she said that she feels great! ( is this why ) she said that she felt smothered and crowded by my love even though she was her inviting me over nearly every day the week earlier , infact the Thursday prior she cooked me dinner as I worked late ran me a bath with a candle and glass off wine and spoilt me !Its bee two weeks and I have kept contact to a minimum as I don't want to push he away, she has furniture of mine that she has not suggested I pick up yet ? I just don't understand , I am very much in love with this woman and her great kid . I want them in my life ....
She is out of town for the next 3 weeks, so I have that time to work out how to get her back in my life !!!
I thank you for your time..

Gavin

Help..  

Answer
Hi Gavin,

So sorry you have to go through this. But don't worry, you're not alone, almost everyone has to at some point in life. We've all been there. I know how heartbreaking (not to mention frustrating) this all is.

Look ANYONE can get hurt in a relationship. Each relationship is a risk you take. A real woman is willing to take that kind of risk with a man. Even if she's been hurt by a bad boy, she will still give you another chance. This one sounds like a baby!

Well, to tell you my honest, harsh truth...this woman sounds a bit too much of a diva. She is either too scared to get hurt again, or is playing games with you. Either way, that doesn't make her a very sensible candidate for dating and/or a serious, long-term investment, does it? I mean, how long can you go on with a woman jerking you around like this?

Let me tell you one thing: when us women are in love...we are 110% IN LOVE. That means no playing head games, no saying 'I love you' and then disappearing off into the night. A REAL WOMAN would not do that to you. We don't dick you around or play the disappearing act. A real woman is consistent.

So these 3 weeks do some reflection upon yourself. You are a grown, responsible, mature man. You have a lot of experience in life with rotten women, I'm sure. You know your value and you would never let a woman diminish it, right?

I think at this point, you either should let it go...or...

Since you don't have anything to lose, your other option is, when she comes back, you will need to have a TALK with her. Get a backbone and stand up for yourself. AND BE VERY FIRM. Tell her that she has to make up her mind ONCE AND FOR ALL and you don't have the patience for any more games. No bullshit excuses. Then leave the option up to her if she wants you in her life or not. But she only gets this one chance. You've got to be strong and walk away if you have to. And get your furniture back if so (LOL)

From the sound of it, this woman has blown it already. I don't respect her too much. Do you really? I mean REALLY? She's either emotionally immature or a drama queen. Can you really keep your cool with a woman such as this?

Until you respect yourself, no woman is going to respect you. Or any man either, for that matter.

I hope this helps. PLEASE FEEL FREE to follow up anytime, becuase I would like to know what happened.

Take care,
-Ana