Expert: Ana - 7/5/2008

Question
Ok, I had a couple of things to bring up here I was hoping you would help me with.  First of all, I am 20 years old and just came out of a nine month relationship with an 18 year old girl, she meant the world, to me, I loved her, she loved me, but told me her feelings had changed.  She also found another guy who she is thinking about dating.  Anyway, she broke up with me about three weeks ago.  Before she broke up with me she treated me great, but since then she has pretty much been downright mean and just torched what self esteem I had left after she said my personality had become "boring" to her and towards the end she felt like she was just being with me so she wouldn't have to be alone, of course then she met this guy and dumped me the next day.  I know she has treated me terrible so it should be easy to get over her, but I still do love her and wish that things were the way they were when we were best friends and had talked about spending the rest of our lives together.  So I guess my first question is how do better move on and get over this.  Its getting better but I can't help thinking she will get in touch with me here in a few months or something and tell me what a mistake she made and she wants to get back together.  She did tell me I was the best friend she ever had, and I got her through a lot of tough times, so I am hoping absence makes the heart grow fonder of me.  Anyway, I was also wondering about finding a new girl.  I am sort of an old fashioned guy I guess you could say, I'm not looking for a party girl.  I'm a fairly easy going quieter type of guy until I get to know somebody.  I'm the kind of guy that likes to take a girl out on dates, and buy her stuff that I think she might like, just because.  I know that isn't much, but basically I'm not some guy just out looking for action, I really am trying to find a girl I can settle down with, and Im the kind of guy that is going to treat a girl very special, like I did with this recent ex girlfriend, and the girl I dated before her.  I just wanted to know if there is anything different for a guy to do to attract this certain "laid back" type of girl I guess.  Since I'm quieter and not too outgoing I am looking for a girl that is similar, I didn't know if there was a certain way to attract those girls rather than the outgoing party girls.  Also, I know girls go for the cockier confident type of guy, which I am confident in myself but not loud, cocky, and obnoxious about it.  The last two girls I've dated have both approached me and given me their numbers so I'm not used to having to do much of the work I guess, so I don't have much practice in wooing a girl I guess you could say, also since I'm kind of shy, the idea is kinda scary.  Anyway, any advice you could give on either of these problems would be greatly appreciated, thank you.

Ryan

Answer
Hi Ryan,

Oh man. I know how hard this is for you sweetie. Actually, exactly a year ago today, I had a guy do the SAME thing to me. I really cared about him and he was cheating on me and left me for her, so it really hurt. They're still together. But whatever. I've moved on.

First of all, you're a great guy, and this really has nothing to do with you, you're just dealing with a girl who can't commit to one man. There is only one word to describe her. LOSER. Well ok there are some other words to describe her but they're slightly too nasty for me to say on here *hee hee*

Be glad you found out just how much of a backstabbing bitch this girl is. Run from her as fast as you can. No, she isn't coming back. And why would you WANT her back anyway? Now you can NEVER trust her. If you guys got back together, she would be cheating on you the entire time. Why the hell would you want that shit. This girl is total drama queen.

Trust me - I've been through it too many times.

So the only thing you can do now is ask your guy friends to take you out. Go to nice restaurants, clubs, bookstores, etc...go out there and meet other women. There's so many great girls in this world who would love to go out with you! I mean, from the sound of your letter, you seem like a real cool, awesome guy! You'd make so many women happy!

So now when you go out, if you see a girl u like, just casually strike up a conversation. Crack a few jokes, etc...just be casual and have fun. Be upbeat and don't talk about your ex no matter how hurt you are. Then ask for her number and give her yours...if she seems interested...then go for it!

Yeah, it's nerve wracking and stuff...but it's ok...you just have to take risks with eveyrone.

And in the future, go for QUALITY women...not another replica of this backstabber.

I know you'll meet an awesome girl ... you might have to wait a while and be patient... but it will happen...

In the meantime...go out with your friends and have fun. Tell them you're going through a hard time and would like them to take you out. Oh yeah, and get REALLY invovled in activities so you don't obsess over her.

hope this helps, feel free to write back if u need any more help!
- Ana :)

p.s. This has absolutely NOTHING to do with you. so don't feel bad, this happens to everyone. Almost everybody loses at the game of love time to time. Just build a thicker skin, maybe cry a little, watch some comedy tonight to get your spirits up, get some new clothes or a new haircut or soemthing to make yourself feel better... NO FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF... and get out there and meet other girls! There's 7 million people on this planet and 3.5 billion of them are girls. Why obsess over just one, right? Take care!