AboutAna Expertise Gentlemen: why go to a man for advice - when you can hear the truth straight from the horse's mouth: a beautiful woman? I'll tell you what's REALLY going on in your romantic situation, and how to get AND keep the woman YOU want. If you've been dumped, I'll tell you how to get over the anguish and find someone better.
My girlfriend and I have split up. We had been together for 5 months. During the first 2 months I started feeling so jealous as I met many of her friends. (to clarify, I have been extremely jealous since I had my first girlfriend and it is always the same). Lately, It has been worse. When we are together everything is perfect but she is so outgoing and likes going out with friends when I'm busy. At first, I encourage her to go out and have fun without me just to see what her attitude is in regards to it. Then, when she does, I think she is flirting, having something with someone (even sex) , or falling in love due to alcoholic drinks especially with her flatmates. As far as I know, she has not cheated on me, but many things come into my mind and make me anxious, upset and hopeless without reasons. When she appears again after going out I just get upset and look for different excuses to keep on fighting and make her admit something that it's not true or has not happened, but it's only in my mind. She does say I'm the only one for her, but I can not comprehend why she goes out without me. For instance, when we go out I have to make up where, but she has a special place for every single day in the weekend. I mean, it's a rutine to go out with the same friends to the same place on the same day of the week. She says they are her favorite friends and loves them a lot. She often stays over, but when she doesn't, she goes home and once she has the step into the house, her friends (all male) invite her to go out
I have tried to figure it out and sometimes I think it is because we are from different countries and cultures.
I am depressed and have tried to contact her again but she does not reply my messages or answer my calls. it is killing me inside, sometimes I believe it's not my fault and she deserves my reactions, but now I know it's all mine.
I'm not sure if we will come back together, but I want to change as I have messed up many relationships like this.
I don't feel like doing anything right now, such as eating, studying or going out or meeting my friends. I just want to be isolated in my room.
I have many things in my head, some of them in for others against her.
I do not know what to do, but definitely I need help.
Kind regards
Carlos Trujillo
P.S I apologize for mistakes. My first language is not English.
ANSWER: Hello,
I'm sorry about the breakup. It must be a lot of anguish.
I'm also sorry to say that yes, you did bring this upon yourself.
In the future you need to learn to RELAX when you date a girl. You cannot keep accusing someone of going out and cheating on you. Any girlfriend you have needs to have her own life, her own friends (both male and female), and her own time to hang out with her friends as she so chooses.
If she wants to go hang out and party all hours of the night, let her. If it is excessive (such as drinking too much etc) then yes, you should talk to her about it, just because you care for her well-being. Just watch her actions to see if you two were compatible or not.
From what I've read, it sounds like there is another girl out there waiting for you and she is better suited for you. Perhaps in the future you can find someone who would like to spend more time with you indoors? Or maybe someone who wants you to come with her to all her special places?
Either way, you cannot change anybody. You will just have to learn not to be so possessive, controlling, and jealous becuase NOBODY likes that kind of attitude. Man or woman.
So learn from this (painful) experience, and move on and find someone else. Perhaps you need to find a more mature girl who doesn't need to go out every weekend. There is nothing wrong with this girl. Just find someone more compatible with you. And RELAX. Learn to respect and trust people.
Hope this helps,
-Ana
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: thank you so much. I agree with you. It is painful but I have to face and accept it.
However, how can I control those feelings or fears? what do I need to do to keep myself confident?
Kind regards,
Carlos
Answer Just look at yourself in the mirror and then think to yourself, "would I appreciate it if my girlfriend tried to control me or who I was friends with or what I was doing at all hours of the day?" I'm guessing the answer is no.
Treat people how YOU want to be treated as well.
Keep your chin up...another good woman will be coming your way soon...
