Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 8/1/2008

Question
Hi Doc, i need your HELP. This last saturday i went out on a date with an attractive intelligent brunette that i met online. the date couldnt have gone better. she was extremely interested in me. she complimented me on my appearance and showed me her phone during the date where she had my number stored in as "hottie". i was getting all the positive signs both verbal and non-verbal. she busted out her digital camera and showed me pics of her parents..told me how different i was from all the other guys shes met in the past. she even went as far as to say that this was the best first date that she'd ever been on in a very very long time. mind you this was the first time we were seeing each other face to face..i had only talked to her briefly over the phone before this.

during the date we talked about each others interests and what we were looking for as far as a relationship is concerned. we were both looking for a long term committed relationship. we talked a lot about sexual things like what turned her on, how she masturbates etc. after dinner she asked me to sit next to her. i went for the kiss and we kissed passionately for sometime. she kept coming back to kiss me more and more. it was really nice and obviously i also felt quite physically and emotionally drawn to her.

FYI: she currently lives out of town in the bay area and i live in the LA area but shes moving in town next month for good. thats why she was visiting town to look for apts and we happened to go on a date since she found me online. so anyways the night ended with her going back to her hotel. i asked her to call me once she reached her hotel to let me know she reached safely. she did. during the date she also told me i could call her as many times i wanted even visit her the following weekend up in the bay area where she is currently living.

here's what I THINK i did wrong. i took all this literally. the next morning i woke up all dreamy and left her a voicemail where i told her "how much fun it was last night and that i felt dreamy around her". she returned my call a few hours later but sounded a bit different. dont know how to explain it but she didnt sound like the other times when i had spoken to her over the phone.

she asked me more questions about myself including what i like to do over the weekends, how much time alone would i need to spend with my friends when i have a girlfriend, whether i had any rules around splitting the cost of the bill each time i hung out with my gf etc. i answered them honestly and she told me "can you get one answer wrong please" so obviously i took all these as positive signs. oh and she also asked me if i had a circumsized or uncircumsized penis! go figure. well i gave her the answer but i feel like that was a bit personal for her to ask me and i should have just told her to be patient and find out for herself..something like that. during this call i also mentioned to her if she wanted me to come to the bay area like we had talked about on our first date. she told me she'll let me know.

so during the middle of the conversation she told me she was getting a call from her mom and that she would call me right back so we hung up BUT she never called back. i called her up later that night after about 6-7 hrs. she picked up but i realized i had just woken her up from her sleep. i apologized and told her she can call me when she gets a chance. well now its been 4 days since that night call and i havent heard from her. i havent called her either. my question is did i do something wrong to drop her interest level for me? And what can i do now to regain it? she seems to be acting aloof. is it because i came on too strong too early and scared her away by letting her know we both had a really strong connection and how i wanted to pay her a visit in the bay area, and how she gives me a very positive vibe? PLEASE HELP. what should i do next? id like to get a second date with her. Do i call or do i wait for her. My gut tells me she wont call but im not sure what really put her off (if anything).

Answer
Hello Chris!

First of all, you should have taken her back to her hotel and made her see stars. You had ALL of the buying signals but didn't react to them. That is a mistake, but not enough of one to have your interest level drop. In fact, I'm not sure that interest level HAS dropped.

Calling her the next morning was actually a good move, although I would have left out that "dreamy" part. That's a little feminine, don't you think? Also, calling her again later might have been a little too much too.

Part of the problem is that there was so much energy going on. When that energy fades it seems like the attraction fades with it, but in reality, this is just the situation "righting" itself. Don't go to SF this weekend. Give her feminine mind a chance to miss you a little. You already know that she's coming down here in a month, so use that to your advantage.

She'll likely call you between now and then so act like everything is perfectly normal. Think of this like keeping a balloon in the air. You don't need to prop it up - just give it a tap every now and then and it'll stay there. Every little contact you have with her is that "tap".

When she comes to town, plan a "welcome home" celebration and close the deal then.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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