Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 8/7/2008

Question
QUESTION: Me and my girl had been together one month short of two years and I love her with all my heart. She broke up with me because she's now 18 and wants to go out and have fun when I grew up quite a bit and am ready to settle down. She broke up with me last Friday. Since then I've been a wreck. I don't sleep, I don't eat. I stay up all night crying. She stopped by yesterday to talk and pick up some stuff and it really hit me then that it was over. When she was packing I started crying and she tried to console me and I lost it. I started sobbing uncontrollably and she grabbed me tight. I begged her to stay and come back to me but she said no. How do I win her back, how do I get the spark back. She is my life and I can't go on. I need her back. Please help.

ANSWER: Hello Chris!

Wait just a cotton-picking minute here. You're somewhere around 18 years old and you're ready to settle down? Holy shit Chris!! You haven't even lived yet! You are NOT ready to settle down - trust me!!

So what do you want here really? Do you want me to help you or do you just want me to make you feel better? If you just want me to make you feel better then you'd better stop reading this right here.

Unfortunately, she's not coming back. She realizes what you don't: she hasn't lived her life yet either. She wants to experience adulthood and so should you.

Try to imagine this: (and yes, I know it's tough), but what if you had 4 incredible girls right now that were clamoring to date you. Sure, they wouldn't be her, but you know what? They'd be BETTER than her. Yes, I know that's hard to believe, but the reality is, she doesn't feel the same way you feel. She wants more - just like you should want more.

If you had the chance to have more (and frankly, SO MUCH more) and didn't take it, that would be a waste. The problem is that you DO have this chance and you're so wrapped up in the loss that you can't see it.

The reality (again, even though you don't want to hear it) is that you're going to get over this with time and THEN and ONLY THEN are you going to start really living. It sometimes takes this type of pain to really appreciate the joys.

Chris, I feel for you. Get through this and heal so you can get started on the next, far more exciting chapter of your life.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I'm not 18 I'm 21, and it just hurts so much knowing she's gone. I never even got a chance to try and work this out. I love her I really do and want to win her back.

ANSWER: Hello again Chris!

Yes, I KNOW you want her back. Unfortunately, wanting something so much it hurts won't make it come back.

Frankly, I don't think you're even seeing what's going on here. She dumped you so that she could go out and have fun? Don't you see what a cold, hard bitch that makes her? She was only with you because she couldn't be with anyone else. That's not love and if it's all you think you deserve, then that's all you'll ever have.

Chris, just realize you're going to get through this although it's going to sting like hell for a while. That sting is a reminder that you DO deserve more than this and hopefully, you'll never accept less again.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks a lot, I'm gonna try and move on, its just so hard though. I mean, she said there is still a chance once she thinks more about it and has time and if she does want to come back and I win her back is it worth it. She was my world, I did so much for her. Put a roof over her head when she was kicked out of her aunts, spent a night in jail for her(can't explain), and I think she's just wanting to see what its like on her own. Do you think theres any chance we'll get back together.

Answer
Hey Chris!

To quote Yoda, "No try. Do!"

She told you there was still a chance in order to ease HER guilt - not to give you hope. This is cowardly behavior at it's peak!

Chris, here's another lesson you're going to need to learn and now is as good a time as any:

Women don't want you to be the over-emotional, over-committed person in the relationship. You're supposed to be the man and if you take the feminine roll (with all the begging, crying, etc.) what does that leave her? Yep: it leaves her to have to be the man.

I can't tell you how often I hear this complaint from women! They are sick and tired of men acting like little boys and not manning-up.

You went to the "ends of the earth" for this woman and look at how she treats you. Now, you want compensation for it, but frankly, she didn't ask for it. It's like that guy that walks up to your just-washed car to clean your windows so you'll give him a few bucks. You don't appreciate it, you didn't ask for it and now your window is streaked and dirty.

That's how she feels about you!

Chris, get through this, stop the crying and whining and man up here. You need to move on so that you can find the next, REAL love of your life.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"