Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 8/5/2008

Question
I'm 18 male teen and i am have sooo low self esteem that it's killing my chances of meeting girls. I'm decent looking & tall but always put myself down. For example, yesterday i went to a barbecue party & i saw some pretty girls. But for all the time there, i kept thinkin that they wouldn't be interested or i didn't know what to say.I think i saw them looking at me a few times but i thought nothing of it. And when i left, i felt very sad / dissapointed with myself cos i kept talking my self out of it.
I'm afraid i will be like this for 4ever.
What advice would you give to someone like me ?

Answer
Hello Dani!

First of all, you're right - you WILL be like this forever if you don't get it handled. The good news is that it's not really that hard.

Consider this: do you have any trouble talking to your mother or your aunts or your female teachers? Of course not. Why not? Simple: you don't put much weight on the outcome of your conversation with them.

Even little steps make a big difference here. For instance, what's your real name? Is it "Daniel"? If so, start using it rather than "Dani". This is a small thing, but it changes your own personal picture.

Since you're tall, start realizing that you look down on other people. You get to to see the tops of their heads - something most people never see! That makes you special and different in a simple way, doesn't it?

Do you see what' we're doing here? Every little step you take to solving that self-esteem issue is an important one even if its small. These small gestures add up.

The next thing you need to do is to start practicing talking to girls. Don't worry, this isn't a big step and you're going to find it easy. Start by simply making eye contact with a girl. Just meet her eyes and try to hold it until SHE looks away first. As soon as you accomplish this, give yourself an "atta-boy" feeling. Be proud of your accomplishment. Do this a few times before you move on.

Next, add a slight smile. Not every girl is going to smile back at you but a few will. When you get it, feel good about it.

After you've done this a few times, start adding a "hi" to it. You don't have to go any further yet, just say "hi" and you're going to find that many girls say "hi" back.

Don't piss yourself, but guess what? You're actually TALKING to girls at this point!

Soon, this is going to get boring too and the next step is to learn to simply approach women using "context". That just means determining what you have in common at that time at that place with someone you'd like to meet. It is REALLY simple! For instance, at the barbecue, you could simply walk over to a girl, say "hi" and then ask her how she knows the person that is throwing the party.

How easy is that? Further, you're not really talking anyway - you're getting HER to do the talking.

Dani(el), this is a game of small steps. Right now, you see yourself as having low self-esteem and you want to have a girlfriend or just start dating. I see you as having low experience and on your way to having that girlfriend or starting to date. I'm right by the way.

You can eat an elephant too - bite by bite.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"