Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 9/17/2008

Question
QUESTION: So I've gotten to know my best friend pretty well this past year and 2 months now.The thing is i started having feelings for her a long time back,so one day after class we had been chatting over msn and i tell her that i liked her.Her response was that she was involved with someone,so i didn't take that as a complete shutdown fast forward 4 months later.I had the same feelings for her so same thing happens again we chat over msn and i tell her i like,and this time she says shes really is into this new guy.And she doesn't see me as boyfriend material,now that was 9 months ago and were both now single again.Is there any chance of going beyond best friends with her?

ANSWER: Hello James!

You should have taken it as a complete shutdown - that's exactly what it was. Let me translate some "womanese" for you:

Her <--> Translation
"Yes" <--> "Yes"
"No" <--> Will NEVER happen - women don't use this word with men
"Maybe" <--> "No"
"Possibly" <--> "No"
"Later" <--> "Never"

No, there's no chance. You chose friendship and that's all you'll ever have with her now. Go find some other girl and don't make her your friend first.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: So there's like no hope whatsoever even if i were to say take a risk of ruining our friendship.Though i have been told that that is the only way and there's consequence that will come if it doesn't work out.Would you say taking a risk is pointless in this situation?And most girls i know always want to be friends that's how they get to know if there douche bags or not.And shes the same way so i don't think i went the wrong way.

ANSWER: Hello again James!

There's always "some hope", but the problem is that you will read that and assume that means there's reasonable hope. There isn't. It's extremely difficult to turn a woman that is now your friend into something else. You fucked up. You now have less than a 5% chance of getting what you want - and a 95% chance of ruining your friendship by doing so.

Worse yet, with some new girl you have about a 50% chance of winning and even more if you do things right! Why would you spend any time working a 5% chance when you can have a 50% chance or greater?

You're wrong about "most girls" - they'll LET you be the friend first if you don't have any other game, but they realize what this is about. It just signals that you're too much of a pussy to go for what you really want and hope to "work it from the inside" by hoping that she'll see what a great guy you are, fall in love with you and do all your work for you. Then, you won't have to take any risks.

James, that's not how it works - and women are absolutely aware and clear on this tactic.

But hey - if you think you know more than the old doc here, be my guest! Go for it. This girl knows she has you by the balls, but you don't have to let a little thing like that stop you. Go for it! Just remember what I've told you.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I thank you for everything you have said and i guess i let her (Brooke) get way to close to me.Thus where most of this comes into play is "Moving on" see I've done that i mean were both in different states and colleges.I'm in Cali while shes in Texas and every time i get to know a girl in my classes i always remember Brooke.Now i wouldn't say obsession.

I mean there are so many girls i could actually go for but something I've learned from her and looking at my past ex's. And everything is that I've always fallen for the taken people its always true.Cause i always find out somehow that there in a relationship.I just don't know i like her a lot and i just don't know what to do now.  

Answer
Hey James!

You're right there (here) with all this "talent" around you and you're worried about someone that is miles away???

Go drown your sorrows in dozens of long legs, perky breasts and soft skin. You'll be over this in no time at all. Trust me.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"