Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 9/23/2008

Question
Hey Dr. Dennis. I am 17 years old and have a thing with this girl who is 18..she is a senior and i hangout with her and my group a lil bit...i talk to her at school but it a little weird since i know i would like to date her...she is hard to get but i think i could do it..i want to start up conversations but dont know what else to talk about besides sports.  if u could help me out this would be the best thing that has ever happened to me..i want to ask her to hangout ALONE but i dont k now how..thanks a lot!! u would be my hero!!!

Answer
Hello Josh!

Yes, I'm going to help you.

First of all, STOP HANGING OUT!!! That's a coward's way out. You don't want to hang out at all - you want to date. Until you get that through your head, you're never going to be able to move this ahead.

Second, stop thinking you have to entertain this girl. You're not there to make her laugh or to make her not lonely. That's what you're trying to do by trying to think of what to talk to her about. Here's what you want to discuss: her favorite subject.

What's her favorite subject? It's simple - it's the same one we all have: ourselves. If you learn to ask her open-ended questions about herself, she'll be talking your damn ear off all night long. Then, she'll walk away thinking "Wow! What a great conversationalist that Josh is!"

You can learn more about open-ended questions by going to my website (http://beingaman.com) and reading my FAQ's under Self Help.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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