Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 9/22/2008

Question
hi, i am 20 and i am from india. i know this girl from past one year. but its been not more than 5 months since we have been going out together. whenever we go out she always complaints that i don't speak much. trust me, she is not the first person complaining that, almost everyone around me says so. can you please help me out with the things that i can talk to her about?? i know that it would be difficult for you to answer without knowing much about me, and also you may think that its my nature to not speak much (actually, it is), i would like you help me in any way you can because i can't see my dates getting bored with me!! Thanks, in advance (trust me, i am in great pain).

Answer
Hello Rahul!

If you don't speak much, it's because the people around you (including her) aren't engaging you!

If I wanted to get to know you, I'd ask you open-ended questions. For instance, Instead of asking you "Do you live in India?" which would bring a "yes" answer, I'd ask you "What do you like most about India?" which would bring a lengthy discussion. Do you see the difference?

Your job isn't to entertain her on a date. It's BOTH of your jobs to entertain each other!

You can use this to your advantage too. If you're not in a communicative mood, then try asking open-ended questions yourself. To learn more about this, go to my website (http://beingaman.com), click on Self Help and read my FAQ's where I discuss this in greater detail.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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