Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 1/11/2009

Question
Hey, I recently got back in touch with a girl that I used to know over 7 years ago. We hung out the other night and it went well. Prior to the hang out I knew she had a boyfriend. However, this boyfriend has only been around for one week so I wasn't concerned. So during the hang out she told me that she wasn't into her boy and that she wanted to leave him. I was trying to sound nice and told her to give him one more shot.. so she did, and now she is more interested in him than before. For me this is confusing... during the hang out she trash talked him.. and she seemed very interested in me. So I guess what I'm asking is... What do I do to win this girl over?

Answer
Hello Brent!

What the hell Brent??? You TOLD her to give him one more shot? Are you out of your damn mind?

You obviously want to get with this girl and she's obviously not into him. You don't look chivalrous by doing this at all. You look disinterested - and contrary to her own beliefs! You didn't put yourself closer to her, you created distance instead.

Not a great move!

You should have said, "Yes, he must be all of those things if he's not even here with you."

Then, you go in for the "close" - you get her digits and/or set up a date with her on the spot.

That's what you need to do now. Forget the boyfriend, he's a non-issue. In fact, it's very likely that she was using this to try to inspire you to do something - not that she even has a real boyfriend at all!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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