Expert: Lisa Tyler - 1/15/2009

Question
im turning 24 and this girl is going on to 22 soon, ive
known her for 5 years this summer!, were close friends we
hang out when we get the chance, sometimes with other
people sometimes noone! Iveve gone to like this girl alot!
i think she feels the same way, i get the shoves when were
hanging out! the hand on my neck to show there cold and
stuff! My question is i wana make a move and go on tot he
next step and ask her out on a date! a problem is im at
school 3 hours from her at school! we are both graduating
this year though. But i wana do it now, is that a smart
idea on the phone? or is it more of something i should do
in person? i would like more between us for valentine day!
how can i do it with out lossing the friendship if she
doesnt feel the same way?

Answer
Steve, it seems to me that the real danger here is you moving too slow and allowing someone else to become very dear to her heart.

Is there any way that you could show up at her school to ask her?  If not, can you send something special (flowers, singing telegram, or something really sweet) with the message that you want to ask her out as more than a friend and you’d like to know what she would think of that?  

I would include with the note how you feel, and the great companionship and respect you feel for her.  Any other words of adoration or things you specifically like about her might help too.  Ask her to give you a chance.

Tell her that if she doesn’t feel the same way toward you, that you hope the friendship will continue, because it means the world to you.

Follow up the flowers/message with a phone call and give her some ideas of your plans for exploring the relationship in earnest after graduation.  Remind her of some of the best times you’ve had together, the great fun and any examples of how you both think the same, or like the same things.  Trips down memory lane get the heart stirred up and she’s likely to feel warmer towards you when remembering how much fun you are to be with.

If for some reason she is already in a relationship with someone, tell her that you still want to be her best friend and that if something happens that her present relationship ends, you’ll still feel the same way about her and be there.

I wish you luck and love, and please feel free to write.  Let me know how it turns out.  If you need more information, just let me know.

Lisa