Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/8/2009

Question
Dear Sir,
i m in luv with this gal for the past 3 months but i m not sure what she feels about me. We meet about twice a week in our classes and walk back to our place together(she lives in my colony).We sometimes even chat on the phone or through messages.
She has shifted to our city 4 months back and she says she has got a bf in the city where she lived earlier.
It seems they are in regular contact with each other through the phone but they havent met since she has shifted here. Do u think such a relationship will last? If no, then how possibly can a let her kno my feelings?
       One day i asked her out 2 a mall after class and she said that she would come. But on the planned day she said she had got lots of school work and would have to cancel the program.     .I also saw her starin at me quite a few times when she was with her friends. I always complemented her sayin she was different from other gals and really nice...and she seemed quite happy about it.
      Recently we had a ball where i danced with her. Next day i asked her if she was feeling awkward while dancing and she said yes and it was reminding her of her bf. And since then she tries in bring the subject of her bf in our conversations. But when she is walking with me she  brushes her hair with her hands once in a while and also tries to act "cool". What does it mean. Do i have a chance. If yes,can u please give me some advice. She is  confusing me a lot!

Thanking in anticipation
    Rhodes  

Answer
Hello Rhodes!

No, I don't think it will last. Long-distance relationships never work out. There are far too many things working against them; not the least of which is a guy named "Rhodes".

You don't let her know your feelings. You're hoping that by telling her how you feel that she'll just swoon and say, "Oh! Rhodes! I feel the same way!" She won't. That's not her job - and she knows it. Do NOT go to her and tell her how you feel!

Instead, SHOW HER how you feel. Let her come to the realization on her own - right along with her own feelings of attraction. These things are built somewhat indirectly - without words, but with the right actions.

I can't tell you what these individual signals mean by themselves. They are isolated incidents with potentially thousands of interpretations. Important signals to watch come in bunches and are rapid-fire. Individual ones mean very little by themselves.

The most important thing you need to do is to stop being her buddy! Is that really all you want? If you become her friend, you're never going to be anything else. Invite her out again to do something fun.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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