Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/21/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hello Dr. Neder. I live in London England and I've discovered over the last few years that women who you'd love to approach in public simply don't look at you! This has evolved in a worse way in the past few years from them looking at you like you are s**t.

I am professional, solvent and well educated and my style is actually American, has always been, so my confidence shows. Plus it is just not the same in other places. Although many of the women over here actually have baggage, drama and issues, casting their gaze in a completely different direction when they see you in the distance can be very disconcerting.

Can I please have some pointers to engaging with the women in this city?



Mark

ANSWER: Hello Mark!

Why are you waiting for eye contact in order to approach. When you get it, that's great and you should act on it, but you absolutely don't need it in order to make the initial approach.

Big cities like London are the same all over the world. There are different rules there than in small towns. I teach a number of approach systems that are all highly effective, but the easiest one by far is the "context approach". It's really simple and effective.

The first step is to ask yourself a question: "What do Ms. Hottie over there, and I have in common at this place, at this time in this situation?" The answer to that question is your "context" for the approach.

Say for instance that you're at the dry cleaner's. You both use the same one, have dry cleaning, etc. That's all the context you need for the approach! It's as simple as saying, "Hey, I'm new to this business. Have you been using them for long?" [note: ice broken]

Now, you can continue on with your approach.

At a coffee shop, it's the same thing. You both have coffee in common, right? You can ask her if she's tried any other coffee-drink on the menu, or literally any other thing in context with your location. Further, this works ANYWHERE.

Once you break the ice, you how work on building rapport and connection leading to the close (getting digits, and impromptu date, sex, etc. - it depends on how to build that rapport and connection).

Don't worry about the ridiculous vibes these women are throwing you. Most of them aren't even aware of what they're doing - trust me - I speak to them every single day.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I understand what you are saying doctor, and to a large degree I concur, as a matter of fact I was in New York over the summer and used what you suggested to great effect. However, when I do this in London the women suddenly spin around and look very scared and startled - and move out of your space very quickly. The look of disdain and scorn with which they accompany this (if you're lucky) strongly suggests that they know what they are 'telling' you with their body-language. If anyone else is within eye or ear shot you can come across as a stalker. How do I overcome this?
Thanks Again Doc.

Answer
Hello again Mark!

I've "hunted" in almost every large city you can imagine and I never see this sort of reaction. It's very likely based on either your body language, your approach or something else - a vibe YOU are throwing for instance.

In fact, I'll bet you're EXPECTING that sort of reaction. Thus, you do things you likely don't even know you are only to get the exact outcome you are seeing.

You need to hold the expectation that women are THRILLED to meet a great guy like you (they are by the way!) Your own calm, confident demeanor is your key.

If you're trying to get eye contact and hold it, be aware that some people interpret this as a sign of aggression - not interest. Thus, don't worry about eye contact as much and go for your overall attitude. You may want to spend some time practicing this in a mirror or with your hunting buddies.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"