Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/14/2009

Question
QUESTION: I'm 16 and I've been interested in this girl for quite some time now but we haven't really had much of a chance to talk because I only see her like once a week and we do not go to the same schools. I've never been really good at talking or making eye contact with women so I don't really know what to say or what to do. We did actually talk for a couple minutes once and it kinda went well besides the fact that I didn't make too much eye contact with her. We did make eye contact for like 3 seconds but I broke away first. I didn't want to stare or creep her out but since I broke away first does that make her think I'm submissive? Can you give me some advice on how to start a conversation with women and about making eye contact?

ANSWER: Hello Kevin!

First of all, at 16, let me say that you're on the right track here. Communication skills are absolutely critical and now's the time to get this figured out. It will sure make things easier later on in life for you.

Let's deal with eye contact first. Have you ever noticed bold, confident adults? They make and hold eye contact. This isn't natural for most people, in that they have to learn to do it - just like you do. One of the best ways to practice this is in the mirror. You simply start by looking away, and then coming right into eye contact, hold it for a minute and add a pleasant smile (also something you need to practice). When you're with your buddies you can do this too - it just takes a conscious effort.

One more thing you want to look for is how other people make - and break - eye contact too. Girls will sometimes show you their interest by holding your eye contact for just a few moments and then looking down and to the side. Now, you can't use a single body-language gesture as any sort of fact, but when combined with others, this is a good one.

Regarding communication skills, there is a very simple key that you need to understand: we all have at least one primary interest we share with everyone else. That interest is this: we are primarily interested in ourselves. Thus, if you know that fact, you always have something to talk to someone else about!

If you go to my website: http://BeingAMan.com and click on "self help" and then on the FAQ's, you'll find a discussion about this and some articles to read on how to use that bit of knowledge.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I would really like to ask this girl for her number so is there a special way to do it? Any advice?

Answer
Hello again Kevin!

Did you read the FAQ's? It talks about a method to approach her call the "context approach". That is the best and easiest way you have.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.
Remington Publications
BAM! TV
818.334.8826
http://beingaman.com
http://beingaman.tv
Publishers of "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II"
Producers of "BAM! TV"