Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/30/2009

Question
There was this girl who liked me a little while ago.  I didn't know her at the time but after a few weeks of talking we became great friends and I began to develop strong feelings for her.  But, after I told her about my feelings, she didn't like me anymore.  She still wanted to stay friends, but I was still in love with her.  So, over the next few months I kept trying my hardest to get her to like me again.  But I think I tried way to hard and made things worse because now she always seems to make an excuse not to hang out with me and she always seems kind of annoyed when I talk to her.  I am really in love with this girl and she means everything to me, but I don't know how to get her to like me again.

Answer
Hello Ryan!

The problem is, she didn't "like you" in the beginning. She simply enjoyed the attention you gave her.

Think about this for a minute: why in the hell did you tell her you liked her? Answer: you were hoping that she'd go, "Oh! Ryan! I feel the same way!" and then you wouldn't have to take any further risks (and this one is very, small by the way) and she'd do all your work for you.

Now, she knows what you want and is avoiding you. What do you expect me to do for you? You've botched this one up to such a degree that there's really not much I can do for you. I don't have any magic tricks to turn things around when they get this far gone.

By the way - you don't love this girl. Yes, I know you THINK you do, but trust me, you don't. You don't even know her! Since you can't see this clearly, let's look at it through my eyes:

This girl knows that you're interested in her. As soon as all your attention in her came with an expectation, she dumped you. Wow - what a great girl! Frankly, she's a using bitch in my eyes. She knows how you feel and simply ignores you because you're now a burden on her time. When you gave her all that attention for free she happily ate it up!

That's the girl you think you're "in love" with?

Ryan, it's time to move on and get healed from all of this. Stop hoping that she's going to change her mind. She's not. Move on and learn how to approach women and build real relationships. You don't do it by professing your love and then hoping that she'll do all the rest for you. It's YOUR job to build whatever relationship you want - and girls know it.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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