Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 10/12/2009

Question
"hey im david. im a sophmore in high school and i have a major crush on this girl in my school and i really really like her and have liked her for a while and it used to be just like "oh shes hot, so i want to go out with her" but now i just really like her and i told a few of my friends about this. iv talked to her on occasion but never no what to say. she rides my bus and lives about 5min or less walk from my house and somedays i stay after school for weight room and ride the late bus with all the little kids and her little sister seems to really like me (i dont mean LIKE LIKE) and seems to be trying to "hook me up" with her bigger sister (her name is shanna by the way) and the other day i rode the late bus and so did shanna and we both sat in the back, i sat with someone on one side and i was towards the isle and shanna was in the seat across from me between her litle sister and her little sisters frend and her little sister kept saying how i thought shanna was cute and how shanna should go out with me and it was kinda embarassing and i really really want to ask her out but i (obviously not the "most popular" guy ever)just have so much anxiety about what will happen if she says no because in my school thats not really how it works, id just get laughed at for even asking her out..... plz plz help im realy confused. thanks"


Answer
Hello David!

No, you wouldn't get laughed at. EVERYONE is afraid of rejection. Your defense is an obvious one: "Well, at least I DID something. What have YOU ever tried??? Nothing? Yeah, that's what I thought, loser!"

Don't worry about what anyone else thinks, and yes, I know that's easier said than done, but trust me, they have the same fears you do. It's absolutely a non-issue.

What's great about your situation is that her sisters have already set you up! You can just walk right up to her and say, "Hey Shanna! I guess your sister knows something we don't. Let's get together on Saturday and see what that is. Here, write down your digits and we'll spend the afternoon together."

See how smooth that is? You don't ask her for what you want, you TELL her. I didn't say, "Hey Shanna, do you want to go out?" Instead, I just assume that she does (after all, her sister set this up!) and just gave her a date. I also didn't ask her for her number - I told her to write it down.

David, you're in the place that many guys wish they were. Don't let this opportunity just fade away - make something of it!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President
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