Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/14/2009

Question
To begin, there has been this girl I've been eyeing for quite a while, I just figured out the body language techniques they use to communicate with people they admire from afar. Anyway, she has been staring at me for a while as well, during numerous occasions this has transpired. Putting that aside, when she finished her exam, and was packing, she was looking my way. A week later, when I was talking to my friends about how I did so poorly on the exam, she mimicked me and started talking to her friends about the same exam.

Another week later, I sat in front of her, (bold move for me#, then I made a lame joke comment about something the professor taught us that day to my friends, and she laughed at it with her friend. The next few classes I noticed she wanted to sit next to me, but due to her tardiness #probably due to missing the bus and catching the next one# she couldn't other people would grab her spot.

Though she could not be beside me, she was eyeing me most of the time. When we were supposed to pick our dissertation results she was staring right at me, but I told my friend to pick up mine, because I was packing my laptop, #damned laptop#.   

So I do nothing as usual when she stares, is it possible for a girl to know I like her without even speaking to her?

I think I got her frustrated, the last class, I sat in front first row #I don't know why, I had an exam early in the morning say AM, maybe I was too tired to walk to the back). And guess who comes up to chat with the professor? She does... I turn my head to the left and ask my friends to confirm her staring at me when I am not looking, and they do indeed.

At the end of the class while handing in a proof of attendance to the teacher's aid, we cross paths, but she looks back to her friend who said something to her.

I don't know what I've done, I can't decipher this situation, did I blow it all in the water, even though she was staring at just 70 minutes earlier? Does she want me to step up to the plate? Is it a lost cause?

I am a good looking guy, I noticed tons of other pretty girls noticing me, but this one is special, and the fact I don't have any courage prohibits me from engaging into this conversation with her.

Please Doctor Neder, what must I do to climb out of this hole?

Thanks for taking the time to view my lengthy situation.

I await your prognosis. :P

Sincerely,

Christo

Answer
Hello Christo!

Whoa there a minute big guy! What in the HELL do you care if she "knows" you like her??? Wait - don't answer that question. I know exactly what you mean and what you're hoping for. You're hoping that she'll eventually get so interested in you that she'll approach you, ask you out, do all your work for you and you won't have to take any risks at all.

Forget it Christo. That's not going to happen. It's YOUR job to make things move - not hers! If she has to work this hard, how are you ever going to live up to her expectations about who and what you are?

Your aloofness is simply going to cause her to give up and for some other (smarter?) guy to come in and swoop her up - right out from under you. Is that what you want?

Come on here man! Grow some stones already! You may have waited too long already, but you're never going to know if you don't do something about it.

You have the same class with this girl - that's all the "context" you need to walk right up to her and say "hello". You can ask her about the last assignment or what she thinks of the teacher or what she thought of something he said, etc. ANY reason to approach her and start up a conversation is all it takes! (Go read my FAQ's on my website - http://BeingAMan.com then click on "self help" to learn more about communication skills.)

Then as you and she get into the conversation, simply say, "Well, I need to go, but it was fun talking to you. Here, write down your number [hand her a pen and paper] and I'll call you so we can do this again sometime."

Christo - DO SOMETHING already! Stop waiting for her to do all your work for you. You only get a few of these kinds of chances in life - and they go away on their own if you do nothing with them.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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