Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/8/2009

Question
I've never being in any relationship for about 2 years now. I know why, but I don't know how to overcome the obstacles. Most of the times, I don't have a clue when a woman seems to be interested in me, and other times I feel that it's only the girls that I don't seem to like who are interested in me. All the relationships that I've had are with girls that I met randomly, and not willingly. Most guys would just hook up with women who throw themselves at them..but for whatever reason, if I'm not interested in someone, I just shut them down..Second of all, I have difficulty initiating conversation with women, and that with people in general..I've willingly approached two women my whole entire life, even though the women showed interest. I just don't know how to confidently approach them and start a conversation. Those two times that I successfully did it went well. But I'm always at a loss of words whenever I'm going to. My question is how to improve my communication skills not just with women but with people? What are the things that are prevalent in initiating a conversation? Are there some excises or methods that I can try? It's affecting all the aspects of my life. I'm 26 years old, and I can't approach a woman to start a conversation, and that I don't know what to say. Please help!!

Answer
Hello Ray!

You have only a couple of problems here - and both are relatively easy to solve. Let me say this: at least you're trying to do something about it! Most guys simply sit back and wait and hope and dream and wish. At 26, this is a great time to get it solved once and for all and trust me, the rest of your life is going to be VERY different once you do!

The first problem isn't really communication skills; although that's one issue. The real problem is simply a lack of education.

You see, once you get the communication problem solved (and you will) where do you go from there? You're going to see that the problem here isn't being able to carry a conversation at all, it's being able to lead it where you want it to go. That's a very different type of communication skill! You can talk until the cows come home (why'd they ever leave in the first place?) but until you can learn to build rapport and connection and to close for what you want (digits, dates, sex, etc.) then, it's a wasted education!

I strongly suggest you see this as going back to school. You need to learn not just this one skill, but actually a number of them. Check out my website (http://BeingAMan.com) for a ton of material on all of this. The school year is getting ready to start!

With regards to communication skills, you think you have to entertain someone by being clever and having something to talk about. That's not at all what you need!

Think about this: when was the last time you were truly captivated by someone simply talking at you? If you're like most people, it was when you were 10 years old. No adult is looking for this sort of entertainment. Can you see that?

So, what then do you lack? One simple perspective: what is it that everyone *IS* interested in discussing? Yes, every single person; regardless of our vast and diverse interests still all have the same one thing in common and in interest. That one thing is: ourselves.

People (and especially women!) *LOVE* to talk about themselves! You do. I do. Your mom and pop do. Your friends do, and every woman you've ever met does. How simple is that?

So, the key isn't to learn to be a good talker at all. It's to learn how to get OTHER PEOPLE to start talking about their own favorite subjects, and then to be a good listener. However, when you learn to listen, you also have to learn how to turn that into something. Specifically how to build huge rapport and connection. This is specifically what leads to attraction! You want girls you approach and meet to be attracted to you, right? This is the key to doing that. When you learn how to build this rapport and connection, you have some real power in your hands.

Go check out my website and be sure to read my FAQ's. You'll discover specifically how to creating basic communication/conversation skills. Then, when you get that under your belt, you'll be ready to learn the other - far more important - skills you're going to need to change your life for the better.

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
President/CEO
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Remington Publications
BAM! TV
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http://beingaman.tv
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