Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/1/2009

Question
Thanks for bothering to read this.The thing is that there is this girl i've met since we were in kindergarten.I am in 7 grade now.Since i was little i would realize that i would never feel nothing special for her.BUT i was so wrong.Tht first week i started school,i noticed she wasn't coming to school (but it was just for curiosity).The second week,she was there,but she camed looking at me and staring at me.When she stared at me and i look her back,she would look away,but i just thought she thinked i'm hot.But it all turned when one day,at the end of classes at the lockers,i could see her eyes sparkling and shining while she was looking at me.At the bus,i was still thinking of it because she is one of the hottest girls of my grade (probably the hottest).I arrived to my house thinking and wondering of it.When i settled in my house,i just turned on the computer and(i now it sounds stupid)started entering pages in google which names was like "i think i like a hot girl,what do i do".I started thinking of her A LOT.Then suddenly it happened,i said in my mind "i'm in love with her".I started to like to go to school to see her,and when i arrived i said "ahhh! finally i arrived,now,where is her".A lot of time passed,there where still some signs i liked her.But i didn't acted because sometimes she ignored me and i was to shy!!.I think i we had attraction between ourselves,and also,my sister met her sister, and when they talked they say things like "wouldn't it be great if our siblings were girlfiend and boyfriend" "yeah that's true answered another".It was one day,one special day whaen we couldn't stop staring to each other.But i didn't pictured myself that i loved her,i only pictured that i liked her a lot.But,when i heard the news that we weren't coming to school in 2 weeks,i was almost crying.The 2 weeks passed,and my love for her grew a lot,and that's when i realized i loved her.But,she ignored me,she didn't stared at me,nor she didn't smile at me,or her eyes didn't sparkle when she found me.I was like very emotional that day.It continued like that like for 2 weeks,and i felt horrible for it.I tried to pass her out,but i couldn't.When at some night,i didn't feel something for her,and i was like "wow,i think i don't like her anymore".But at the morning,i feeled that my love for her was stronger.Days passed,and no signs i liked her.It was one day when she didn't looked at me in the morning,but somehow later,she couldn't stopped looking at me.I was like "uhhhh!!!!yeah i'm in paradise i finally like her back!!!"Days continued like that and until i said "next week,i'm asking her"you want to be my girlfriend".That week camed,and i could be certain that i still liked her.Until i found out that she was dating my friend.That was what they told me,but i needed proofs.One of my friends said me"they are in a relatinship,they are always together,and i saw them they wanted to kiss".Of course i was jealous,but i feeled good because she didn't feeled nothing for my friend,and i stilled liked her.I didn't wanted to steal her to him because he was my friend,an awesome one.The next week,i started to use my friend,i asigned him to say to her i like her,and she responded"no i don't like him".I've learned many things from this so far,i've learned that girls won't see his crush if they are looking to her,or that they will always find a way to get close to her crush.It's not over,those days continued like that me stering at her,she staring at me.But i didn't felt so much attraction one day.A friend of mine and my crush also,invited us to her halloween party.And i used another  friend as messanger.I told my friend to tell her i loved her at the party.At the party,i was not sure if i liked her.But i changed when she told me "hi,how are,want to dance".Obviously i told her yess.As we danced she told me,wow you are tall.A time happened as we danced and she told me "hey,show mw your teeth".I founded it like funny and smiled at her with a humorous face.When she looked at my smile she told me "wow!!!,you have perfect teeth".Like 20 minutes passed and i was happy because she complimented me.But when my messanger (my friend)told me he did his job, i was sad because this time she responded different,she said "it's fine, but i don't want to be intersted in someone right now".Then i sat by some window and someone arrived at me sayong "why are you sad".I told her everything about my crush,that she already knew it.My friend yelled "Really!!".And suddenly she yelled again my crushe's name.I was in shock,i thought she would tell her i like her.but she oly telled her that i wanted to say hello to her.She told me "hi,and your ex"as i told her "no,no,no,no,".I'm really confused because then suddenly she started staring at me.Now, i don't now what to do,should i tell her my feelings for her,or just wait.PLEASE HELP someone!!!!

Answer
Hello Marco!

Why, oh why didn't you move on this when you FIRST had the chance? When you first noticed her staring at you and when you found yourself interested in her - that was the time to do something.

Instead, you waited and hoped and pined away all that interest and now you're in limbo as to what to do next.

No Marco, you shouldn't go to her and tell her how you feel about her. If you do that, what's she supposed to say then? Do you think she doesn't know you're interested in her? Of course she does! The problem is getting her to show her interest in you.

What you need to do now is to give her that opportunity, but you have another problem here: your friend. While you where sitting back and building all of this up in your own mind, your friend swooped in and pick her up. Your friend did exactly what YOU should have done!

Here's my rule about this: your friends are far more important to you than any girl. If you take care of them, they'll have your back and will take care of you when you need them. If you go stomping around on their property - or with their girls - you'll lose those friendships, and rightly so!

The first step is to find out where this girl and your friend are. If they're dating, you have no choice but to back off or lose the friendship altogether. That's it and it's game-over.

On the other hand, if your friend isn't interested in her he might be able to help you get to know her better because of his association with her. He might be able to suggest that she and you meet up to get to know each other better. Of course for this to work, he's going to have to agree to it so the first step is to have a talk with him. Be open and honest with him and if he's still trying to win this girl, I'm afraid you're just going to have to back off.

If not, you might have been given one more chance with this girl. Don't blow it this time!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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