Expert: Dr. Dennis W. Neder - 11/12/2009

Question
Hi doc,
two questions here, 1:how do you prepare or practice for getting the phone number for 10s and 2:how can you overcome the fear of not approaching as the girl might not be available.
My story is that im am of mixed ethnicity, good looking but my dillema is that i tend to go for girls that are 6s and 7s maybe the ocassional 8s because i feel that they seem more responsive to my approach as they would never have had and offer from an attractive male before and that i wouldnt have to put as much effort or get rejected. As for 10s i dont feel as secure and confident and settle for less. Also as ive come out of a relationship i am a bit rusty on attracting women and tend to hesitate approach thinking that a girl might be spoken for and not to waste my time but instead wait for the girl to approach me which does happen. How can you calibrate or find out straight off the bat if they are taken so to not waste your time.
thanks doc!

Answer
Hello Clint!

1) I'll answer this in a minute.

2) Why do you give a shit?

Here's the reality: EVERY GIRL has a "boyfriend". That boyfriend may simply be some horny guy that doesn't know how to pull the trigger with a girl and is waiting around for her to do all his work for him so that he takes no risks.

Women keep these guys around because of what I call the "Empty Restaurant Syndrome".

Consider this: you're in the city and you're hungry. There are two restaurants side by side. One is full of customers and the other is empty. Which one do you choose? Answer: the busy one. After all, these people must know something you don't.

Women feel the same way about this. They keep these dumb guys on the hook so that they don't look "empty" and not worthy of a boyfriend! Thus, if you're only looking for women that are completely unattached, you're going to be a very long guy!

Further, even "real" boyfriends are never a problem because women are always willing to "date up". That's part of the answer to your first question.

Let me start to answer that with this:

You talk about your looks. Looking good is a fine thing, but it's not the reason women are attracted to you. YOU (being male) are interested in women by how they look, but just as a woman's hair, skin, size, scent and many other things are different from you; so are the things that attract them.

When asked, women rate a man's looks as 8th on the level of "most attractive things". Get that clint: 8th! There are 7 things they consider MORE attractive and MORE important! You shouldn't be focusing on the 8th most important thing to women, you should be focusing on the 1st, 2nd and 3rd things!

What are those?

1. Power
2. Confidence
3. Sense of humor

Because you feel good-looking, you probably have at least some sense of #2 and that may be why women approach you. Unfortunately, there are many women that simply won't approach - like the "10s".

While a man's "dating currency" is his power, confidence and sense of humor, a woman's dating currency is her looks. The problem is that far too many guys feel just like you do! Interestingly, many of these 10's don't get approached at all! If they do, it's often by guys that aren't "10's" themselves in the way that girl needs them to be (and as we've already discussed, it's NOT looks!)

So, you have to ask yourself; what makes you worthy of a 10? In fact, what makes you worthy of a 9 or an 8? Being confident and powerful are easy things to build. Let's face it, being a true 10 isn't.

Thus, this is where you have to start. You need to work on your power, confidence and sense of humor. You need to learn to bring these things at the point you need them. The good news is that it's not that difficult to do. You can express that power with your ability to build rapport and connection very quickly. This is something I talk about in great depth in my books, "Being a Man in a Woman's World I & II" and I strongly encourage you to read them. They will tell you specifically how to do this very quickly and to walk with digits, dates or sex every time.

One last point about confidence: NOBODY is "confident" all the time. As I like to say, nobody "owns" confidence - you only get to rent it. However, you can learn to bring confidence whenever you need it. This starts by building those skills to create solid rapport and connection I mentioned earlier. When you know you can do this easily and at any time, how confident do you think you'll seem?

Answer: hugely so!

Best regards...

Dr. Dennis W. Neder
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